u/AB_944

Hi I’m 21 living with my parents and I want to know if there’s any way to make them les strict?
I’m the oldest child and unfortunately I had to go through unfairness of liberty between me and my brothers and I don’t want to waste my youth anymore.
My parents - especially my dad- actually became less strict over the years ( when I was a kid he would not let me go out to play with other girls and forbad me from doing karate which was my dream sport lol) but last year he left me travel abroad for an internship for 2 months with my friend after I repeatedly told him for years that I have to do it abroad for me to obtain my bachelor, I also kept bringing up about my classmates who do universiy exchanges often to convince him.

But the thing is that he always keep changing his mind?? Both him and my mother, they said when I came back that it won’t happen again and for example; I told him a month or so after I came back that I I had an opportunity to spent a week at N.Y (we live in Europe) for a diplomatic thing, that I passed the interview but that I refused because the fees were too expensive; he told me why did I refuse because he would’ve paid it? My mother was also encouraging me before the interview.

Now a few months after, it was when mamdani got elected and I had to look up for an internship for my MBA, I told my parents I will look up an internship there in N.Y; they told me no we won’t let you???? And it’s not even because it will be longer, they simply said they won’t let me travel abroad anymore and that they changed their mind because they’re my parents and I have to listen to them and I’m a girl and it’s haram and stuff like that?????

And what make things harder is that their point is literally islamic, since they’re very religious - especially my dad- he keep on giving me ahadith and Schoolars’ opinion about the fact that women should stay at their houses - when I tell him about the women in history who traveled or did great things or how today a lot of women travel all around the would alone and are safe - he says that we’re in a time of fitna and that we shouldn’t do that. He even tell me that even with all the points that I make and even if I’m right I should obey him and then he gives me a lot of ahadiths about parent’s obeyance, how the anger of the father is from the anger of the God; that the only thing that I can do and go against my parent’s will is if they’re ordering me to go away from the path of Allah(btw he uses these things even when we have an argument, when he does something wrong and I call him out for that; he does’nt speak to me for days till I go and apologies to him)

And the fact that he comes from a very very conservative family doesn’t help at all, like he tells me how my grandma used to beat his daughters, that he forced them to drop school to marry, that in our family women are supposed to be like a ruler etc etc

And my mom has the same opinions as him(sometimes worst) so it doesn’t help at all, plus I really really want to move out but need a very good reason for that (they always told me that I will step a foot outside of the house only married with my husband). I love my family and don’t want to do it without making them upset, they also always told me that in the future I will think about the times I spent with them right now, that I will miss it etc and I really do want to live with them and my siblings the longest possible(even though I share my room lol) plus since we’re in the suburbs of a big city there’s a lot of opportunities but at what cost? The curfews and the harrasment if I’m not at home before it gets dark? Having to ask anytime I want to go out if it’s not for school/work? Having to go to the gym secretly because my dad doesn’t accept it? Can’t even do mini travels with the train across the country? It’s really about the liberty I’m not a teenager anymore. And I am grateful for the fact that I already got the chance to spent 2months away in another country, it was an amazing experience, and I also love them they let me do other things and I’m grateful for that, but I feel that to make our relationship better I have to move out, I am also a girl who want to experience so much in life and for that I have to go away completly from my confort zone and start living on my own.

I was planning to look up my last internship which will start in January and want to do it in Toronto. I know that my parents won’t accept that overnight if inshaaLLah I get accepted, so I want to start to work them from know on but I don’t want to just do what I want without them being okay with it because I know it will just make them give me the silence treatment and I don’t want that so is it possible to resonate them to make them less strict?

Sorry I feel like I kept ranting

Hi I’m 21 living with my parents and I want to know if there’s any way to make them les strict?
I’m the oldest child and unfortunately I had to go through unfairness of liberty between me and my brothers and I don’t want to waste my youth anymore.
My parents - especially my dad- actually became less strict over the years ( when I was a kid he would not let me go out to play with other girls and forbad me from doing karate which was my dream sport lol) but last year he left me travel abroad for an internship for 2 months with my friend after I repeatedly told him for years that I have to do it abroad for me to obtain my bachelor, I also kept bringing up about my classmates who do universiy exchanges often to convince him.

But the thing is that he always keep changing his mind?? Both him and my mother, they said when I came back that it won’t happen again and for example; I told him a month or so after I came back that I I had an opportunity to spent a week at N.Y (we live in Europe) for a diplomatic thing, that I passed the interview but that I refused because the fees were too expensive; he told me why did I refuse because he would’ve paid it? My mother was also encouraging me before the interview.

Now a few months after, it was when mamdani got elected and I had to look up for an internship for my MBA, I told my parents I will look up an internship there in N.Y; they told me no we won’t let you???? And it’s not even because it will be longer, they simply said they won’t let me travel abroad anymore and that they changed their mind because they’re my parents and I have to listen to them and I’m a girl and it’s haram and stuff like that?????

And what make things harder is that their point is literally islamic, since they’re very religious - especially my dad- he keep on giving me ahadith and Schoolars’ opinion about the fact that women should stay at their houses - when I tell him about the women in history who traveled or did great things or how today a lot of women travel all around the would alone and are safe - he says that we’re in a time of fitna and that we shouldn’t do that. He even tell me that even with all the points that I make and even if I’m right I should obey him and then he gives me a lot of ahadiths about parent’s obeyance, how the anger of the father is from the anger of the God; that the only thing that I can do and go against my parent’s will is if they’re ordering me to go away from the path of Allah(btw he uses these things even when we have an argument, when he does something wrong and I call him out for that; he does’nt speak to me for days till I go and apologies to him)

And the fact that he comes from a very very conservative family doesn’t help at all, like he tells me how my grandma used to beat his daughters, that he forced them to drop school to marry, that in our family women are supposed to be like a ruler etc etc

And my mom has the same opinions as him(sometimes worst) so it doesn’t help at all, plus I really really want to move out but need a very good reason for that (they always told me that I will step a foot outside of the house only married with my husband). I love my family and don’t want to do it without making them upset, they also always told me that in the future I will think about the times I spent with them right now, that I will miss it etc and I really do want to live with them and my siblings the longest possible(even though I share my room lol) plus since we’re in the suburbs of a big city there’s a lot of opportunities but at what cost? The curfews and the harrasment if I’m not at home before it gets dark? Having to ask anytime I want to go out if it’s not for school/work? Having to go to the gym secretly because my dad doesn’t accept it? Can’t even do mini travels with the train across the country? It’s really about the liberty I’m not a teenager anymore. And I am grateful for the fact that I already got the chance to spent 2months away in another country, it was an amazing experience, and I also love them they let me do other things and I’m grateful for that, but I feel that to make our relationship better I have to move out, I am also a girl who want to experience so much in life and for that I have to go away completly from my confort zone and start living on my own.

I was planning to look up my last internship which will start in January and want to do it in Toronto. I know that my parents won’t accept that overnight if inshaaLLah I get accepted, so I want to start to work them from know on but I don’t want to just do what I want without them being okay with it because I know it will just make them give me the silence treatment and I don’t want that so is it possible to resonate them to make them less strict?

Sorry I feel like I kept ranting