I turned 30 recently and I feel like I let life pass me by last decade or so. I’m grateful for the life I live now because I struggled quite a bit but I feel like I am grieving a life that I could have had. Most of the emotions I felt were suppressed anger or trying to ace/reach a standard that I set too high for myself. Now that I have reached middle age, I am lost.
On paper things are good. There are no problems per se - job, fam, small travels etc. But there is a lack of fulfilment and feeling sad for no apparent reason sometimes..I wish I could have some clarity on what to do next. While I realise only I can decide on future plans, I’m not quite sure what to do? I dont think I did enough “young people” things because I was struggling not let anxiety take over. Now I feel like an unfulfilled person stuck in the body of an adult who also seek to be unsure.. I wish to look back maybe at 35 and think I did turn around my life in a way I can remember fondly. But my pessimism is clouding my judgment, my self monitoring is harsh and I wish I could break out of this loop. I want to break out of the doomscrolling, 9-5 cycle and maybe live life a little on the side, to prioritise myself, happiness and health. But dont know how.
Edit: I do realise midlife is some more years ahead but it does feel like a in-between phase for me. I just feel a bit stuck and I want to be more intentional about how I spend my time and what I do next