u/90bklynds08

okay so i b/p twice yesterday after a month clean. i understand why i did it. i ate too much too fast in the morning and felt full so when i wanted to eat again i wasn’t hungry but i ate anyways and then felt guilty. i also just moved home from college and i was very deep into my ed all last summer when i was home so its bringing back a lot of memories.

but what i will say is im seeing the good in my relapse. what i mean by this is that i physically feel awful and forgot how bad purging made me feel. im taking this mini relapse as a confirmation i do not want to fall back into old habits. it doesnt have the same reward it used to have after being clean so long.

so yeah im trying not to beat myself up about it because even though im not happy it happened, im grateful it did. i’m grateful cuz i know now that recovery is possible and that i want it even more than my disorder at this point. sorry for rambling just wanted to get that off my chest.

hello everyone i just wanted to come on here and share that im officially 21 days b/p free!! this disorder has taken over my life for the past year and i started recovery so many times but always ended up failing. i think i reached my breaking point where i knew if i didnt stop, i would die. my bowels became extremely loose and i felt like shit all the time and i was spending time b/p when i needed to train (athlete) or study (student). i started tracking my calories to a higher number which got rid of the scarcity mindset i had around food. i haven’t had access to a scale but it doesn’t seem i’ve gained any weight so far. i don’t even really think about relapsing since ive made it this far and every day clean is just another reason to keep going. my life is great now and i am able to be so much more present with everything. if you needed a sign to recover or pursue recovery let this be it!! its hard especially since im doing it alone and no one in my personal life knows i even had an ed but we can do hard things. i’m here if anyone needs to talk.