I’m a 28M and for the past little while I’ve been sleeping with my ex girlfriend (26F) from high school. The problem is… she’s married. Her husband has no idea.
We stayed friends after our breakup for years. Even after she got married, we would still hang out from time to time, catch up on life, watch movies, and keep things completely platonic. I always respected that she was married and never crossed any lines.
One day while I was at work, she kept begging me to come over because she said she was lonely. I eventually said sure. We were watching a movie when she started getting handsy. I asked what was going on and if she was still married. She said yes, but claimed their marriage was currently open. I didn’t think much of it in the moment.
Later on, she admitted that wasn’t true. She said the marriage wasn’t open at all, that they hadn’t had sex in a long time, and that she just needed sex. I was stupid and went along with it because I hadn’t had sex in over two years myself. What started that night continued about once a month for over six months.
Now I feel extremely guilty for the part I’ve played in all of this.
Part of me still cares about her, part of me knows I’m being selfish, and part of me feels disgusted with myself every time it happens. I know I should walk away, but I keep getting pulled back in because it feels familiar and easy.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe just admitting out loud that I know this is wrong and I hate the person I’ve become in the middle of it. While also seeking some advice on what I should do.