I sort of cheated, help
Me(18f) and my bf (well now ex)(19m) have been dating for two years, but we recently broke up because of something i did and it has been making me go crazy. This isn’t the first time we’ve broken up, we’ve broke up around 4 times before this, but this time i really believe it’s done and i can’t handle that feeling.
The first couple times we’ve broken up was because he cheated (went to schoolies behind my back, fucked a girl, had a fake account on insta texting girls, went on double dates with his friends, etc) and didn’t “see a future” together which believe me was my first heartbreak. He was my first love and relationship the first and only person i’ve slept with and in my culture virginity is a very sacred thing , also made me get extremely attached to him.
in the beginning of our relationship he was unloyal, and simply secretive and i don’t know why i stayed with a cheater but i was attached and in love, and also 16. the last time we got back together (around 6 months ago) i truly saw a difference and maturity in him. he deleted the fake account infront of my face, kept loyal to me and was truthful about everything and i really saw that. for the past 6 months we’ve had the best relationship, he’s been the best boyfriend and the difference in him (even his face and demeanour) is unreal, if you were me and anyone around us you’d even notice it.
his reasoning for changing was because “he sees a future together and has matured, and that he realised what a good girl i was”. And since then we’ve been a perfect couple.
And around 2-3 weeks ago i was with my sister, auntie (who’s the same age as us) and another friend at a shisha bar. One of the workers kept staring and smiling at me and he was a pretty attractive guy however i had no intention of doing anything about it. I just wanted to relax and have a good time. The girls slowly noticed it and when my sister and i went to the bathroom and came back out, he was speaking to my auntie and our friend. I looked at my sister thinking omg what have they done.
He leaves and we sit back down asking what happened and all my auntie says is
“When i tell u to go outside go outside.”
I’m asking and asking questions im getting 0 answers. The last thing she says before she tells me to go outside is “I don’t care that you have a boyfriend, i don’t like him and what he’s done, go outside and get his number now.”
Something to note about my auntie is she has a very firm, dominate personality and it’s very hard to say no to her.
I go outside he’s there and we exchange numbers and that’s that. On the car ride back with just my sister and i , i began to feel extremely guilty and it was weighing on my conscience. That same night i blocked his number and forgot about it.
i didn’t plan on telling my boyfriend because he’d recently moved to another state and was already having insecurities about me cheating and id made his insecurities a reality .
5 days ago i told him because he downloaded my snapchat data and saw my messages with my auntie about it, and he broke up with me, saying “no hard feelings, i still love you but i can’t lose my self respect trying to fix this relationship. The difference between you and i is when i cheated i saw no future in us, but you cheated while seeing a future, and that says a lot. Goodbye and i love you.”
I feel so shit and guilty and idk what to do i lost the man of my dreams that changed his whole world for me, the man i saved and changed has left me and i feel empty and cold.
I’ve been considering messaging him but idk what i would say. I really want to get back together with him.