I have a fetish. It’s not a kink or preference, it’s my entire sexuality, and I didn’t have the experience to know that I wasn’t going to be able to just stop engaging with the fetish and magically want to have vanilla sex with my now-husband.
We had a good talk about our lack of connection (outside of sex) and dead bedroom, and although he has been aware for years that I have a fetish, it needed to be brought back up again. He wants me to go to therapy to see if something can be done about it, with the hopes that I can have a regular straight female libido that doesn’t involve the fetish, but from what I’ve seen online, fetish and kink therapy is typically more about self acceptance and learning to scratch the itch without falling into unhealthy behaviors like porn addiction.
I’m afraid of two things: What if the fetish is removed or weakened, but I’m left with no source for sexual pleasure? What if nothing happens at all, and I have to accept that we are incompatible? I’m trying to keep the best case scenario in mind of becoming attracted to more traditional cues and having meaningful, satisfying vanilla sex with my husband; but I don’t know if that’s possible or a realistic expectation.
I feel slightly ahead of the game because I’ve come to terms with my sexuality and I accept myself for the way I am. I feel no shame for it. I’m going to try therapy because I want him to be happy and fulfilled, and I want to be a happy and successful couple together. Just looking for some support, encouragement, validation, advice, or insight. Thank you.