Long story short, it was talk therapy that's freely accessible for students in my university. Initially my intention was to work on my doormat impulses and gain assertiveness because it's been a very stubborn problem for me.
In each session, I talked about situations that would upset me at work, with friends etc and each time she ended up connecting them with a fear of uncertainty (I wasn't sure if I were entirely agreeing with her at the time, but then realized there's a LOT that points towards Intolerance of Uncertainty in other different behaviors I have)
At some point we were talking about hypervigilance, then idk how exactly but I started talking about my mom and connected that hypervigilance to my mother's erratic, volatile emotional behavior she had at times during my childhood.
As I was explaining I had taken a mediator role in my family to "protect" my mother, for some reason that really hit me. And my eyes started tearing up, and I struggled to speak as I was trying to push tears away, suddenly I look at my therapist's face and I kid you not, her face literally started to SHRINK. Like the room was getting "deeper" at her side and I couldn't look at her face for more than a couple seconds at a time because it was so disorienting. Internally I had a calm "uhhh WTF" reaction. She gently steered the conversation to another topic, and BOOM, after a while that visual effect went away. Then I started feeling really cold and was shaking.
Ever since then, I had a hard time getting my mind off that and had a couple weird, vivid dreams. And had been connecting some dots, yet I can't help but think I might be poking around too much and freaking myself out. I never thought my body would react like that to a fact that I already knew for a while. And frankly, I'm kind of afraid. I don't know where I am supposed to head from now on.
It's been a week since then. I know a bunch of grounding techniques due to previous dissociative episodes I had at stressful times, but overall I feel like I either exposed a raw nerve or am blowing things out of proportion. Both feels equally valid. Idfk know what I'm supposed to do with this new information lol.