I just want him back
7.5 months and I don't know because of its mother's day or what but I'm just so frustrated. He died so suddenly, and I constantly replay that over and over again just beating myself up, if I only I noticed something was really wrong he could still be here.... This is torture and the longing for him just seems to intensify as time goes on.
I'm trying to cut back on my drinking once again, I have six days sober today and I am so cranky. Everyone keeps saying to do something or find a hobby, but I don't want to !!! I have no passion, no desire no motivation. Best I can do is keep the house clean and try not to drink right now. I want to escape this stupid reality so bad and have a drink but I need to save money to get out of the debt we are in.
I just want my fiancee back and I am so bitter right now. Forever 36 , and it makes me so incredibly angry how much he got ripped off for time in life. He never got to grow into the person he was trying to become , he can never watch his daughter grow up, we can never get married or have our children together, we can't grow old together.
I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!