u/5thdimensionalthing

I am not sure what to do. if i go a week without an episode i think im cured or some shit. I feel cured rn even though literally an hour ago i thought that i was in a simulation and was about to fly off the handle bars and end my life. Still might. but idk. i cant tell, i dont trust anything, i feel like maybe if im in a simulation maybe they made me psychoanalyze myself constantly so that i would attach a mental illness to what really is the truth, but i dont know. I feel like they put me here just to psychologically torture me, theres no way life can be this consistently terrible. theres no way everyone is this robotic, everyone looks the same, they all fit into the same categories, how can people react to me in such a different way than they do others even though all they see is the words which i type on a screen? its like its made to isolate me and make me feel defective. same fucking shits going to happen when i post this. Ill get the same robotic replies again. i dont know why i keep trying or speaking like im speaking to people that even exist, i still dont know why. maybe if i end it they will let me out. i dont know. i cant tell if im psychotic or not. im at a crossroad, i think they are just trying to convince me im not by putting thoughts in my head but i simply dont know, it feels like my mind is being torn in 2.