I gained over half of my body weight in 3 months because my parents were threatening to get a conservatorship and I had nowhere else to live. Now all I want to do is binge and purge but I can’t binge here and I have to purge in secret. I never wanted to recover. I think about drinking bleach almost every day just to make it impossible to eat. My life feels completely meaningless and empty.
This took me forever to figure out (probably about 4 hours) and at least 2 hours to make 😭
I was forced into treatment by my parents under threat of a conservatorship back in January, and I was extremely underweight. I’m at a “healthy” BMI now after AMAing from treatment a few weeks ago and I feel like I’ve lost my identity and my purpose. I’m having really dark thoughts about hurting myself in order to lose the weight more rapidly in the short term. The only interesting thing about me was being sick and now I’m just bingeing and purging all day with nothing to show for it. I feel disgusting.