i have oral and genital hsv and i’m trying to figure out if anyone else has experienced this dynamic. i met a man who’s hsv neg a few months ago and disclosed before anything happened. we still ended up seeing each other, but he avoided certain things like kissing or fingering me while still being okay with other sexual stuff, i didn’t want to force him into anything he wasn’t comfortable with especially under these conditions but after a while it seemed like he was using it as a front. over time, sex started to hurt because there was basically no effort or buildup, and i wasn’t enjoying nor interested in it at all.
what’s confusing is that he would still have me over, i’d be cooking, cleaning, spending time with him, being intimate, etc. but after a few days of seeing me consistently he started framing me like i’m draining or negative. he’s said things like i “blur his focus” and he can’t be around me too long, but at the same time says i make him feel better and likes having me around. it feels very push pull.
when i finally told him that sex has been hurting me, he ignored it, but a day later he ran into one of our mutuals while out and told him he “wants a wife” and that he likes everything about my body but we don’t have a spiritual connection because of my hsv. it feels like he’s picking and choosing when my hsv matters and using it to keep things casual while still benefiting from me.
has anyone else dealt with people who are fine having sex with you after disclosure but won’t take you seriously for a relationship? is this a common experience or am i just dealing with a specific type of person?