u/4theloveofjr

I (F22) have been friends with sarah (F22) (fake name) since we were 12. I love her so much and she truly is my best friend. we have such great memories and everytime we’re together i can’t help but to think “this is what friendship are meant to be”

this all started when I began to notice her literally only talk about her boyfriend. she constantly was having panic attacks over him, would stalk him, and always fight with him. as well as she would spend most of her time on her phone when we hang out.

it’s like i can never fully just have my best friend.

my boyfriend says i should mention it to her as i felt really hurt she kept bailing on me for him. which btw it’s okay i understand sometimes a girl just wants to be with her boyfriend. but every single day??? i don’t know i fear she has completely isolated herself from the world to be with him.

he’s an okay guy (i say this because she knows she can do better but wants to work it out with him) and my friend is definitely a little paranoid when it comes to her relationship from family members being cheated on and gone through DV. which is why i try to be graceful that maybe she just really enjoys herself more with him.

i’m just concerned because she’s told me many times she doesn’t know who she is without him. i’ve tried to help her by saying “hey let’s go to the gym” or “hey let’s go grab a bite of ice cream!” but it’s always false promises.

i love her a lot and im worried about her and i just don’t want her to regret isolating herself at this young age over him.

will i be the AH for bringing this up? im just worried she’ll hate me or push herself away more. she doesn’t really have other friends besides me and my bf.

I (F22) have been with my boyfriend (M22) for 7 years. We met when we were 14/15 and have been together since. Honestly he has been my most healing partner and i am beyond in love with him. he is reassuring, kind, and loving.

This all started when back in October of 2025 I got curious and decided to go through his phone. I know it wasn’t right but i digress. I began to see a lot of tiktoks about gfs going through their partners phone and doing DEEP searches like instagram links, tiktok watch history, facebook links, etc. before this point in our relationship i tried my best to not go through his phone. i fully trust him and i just believe going through phones can be a slippery slope where you will not stop until you find something. for context my bf has never gone through my phone and says “why would i? if you’re doing something behind my back that is on you and i can’t control you. i trust you” which is why i feel guilty going through his.

anyways i decide to go through it. like usual i never found anything he doesn’t use snapchat (and only has me added on there), doesn’t have instagram and im his only female contact.

so when i would go through his phone well as you might be able to tell i didn’t find anything. at all. until i decided to peek into his watch history on tiktok. that where i saw a few videos of women dressed provocatively. he didn’t like these videos or followed accounts (im the only girl he follows). so i kinda decided to not say anything but later on did press him about it. he reassured me that he doesn’t look at other women in person but that on screen if a video pops up he might get curious and see (it’s like every now and then not an every day thing i had to scroll a bit to see like a few videos like this). i told him i was uncomfortable with him clicking profiles as i feel like thats in a way stalking but regardless i chose to stay because i did feel like it was kinda stupid.

my boyfriend doesn’t watch p0rn (which i fully believe because i have past trauma surrounding it) and he really is a picture perfect man. i have never once felt like he would do something to hurt me.

anyways fast forward , i would still do a routine check but not really find anything and i had got to a point where i honestly couldn’t care if i saw him looking at these types of picture/ videos because he wasn’t following them, liking them, messaging girls, etc.

Then this past summer we unfortunately split due to my insecurities growing and i felt like we were at a stump. we got back together and i reset my boundaries.

we never spoke about the situation again.

this past week i asked him if he did which he responded with “i honestly dont see a problem with it as i don’t do anything to ruin our relationship. these girls don’t look better than you and i love you”. i honestly trust him, he’s even shared with me that he only gets turned on by me and only feels excited when it comes to me.

in my mind i make grace of the situation because it’s normal to find others attractive. i also have definitely seen men on my page and taken a double look and admire it but it’s never sexually turned me on. just nice to look at and i get curious.

however, i am worried i might be oblivious to the situation. like i’ve stated my boyfriend doesn’t follow girls, doesn’t like anything, doesn’t go looking for it, doesn’t stare at girls in public (at least when im with him) and he has always made me feel extremely safe and secure in our relationship. Im just curious to know if maybe im too controlling - i say this because i have a huge fear of being cheated on lol. or if maybe this is normal and my boyfriend is actually being respectful of me.

i know there’s temptation out there, and i’ve always believed there will forever be but as long as there is no action it’s fine.

i also do admit that going through his phone and being nosy about everything is probably not okay and i have stopped. if i ever feel worried i might just peak at his messages or deleted messages but again i have never found anything.

i am on here because i really don’t know what to do. i don’t know if i should leave over this or if this is normal? i honestly do believe he is an amazing guy and has always been such a sweet partner to me. he’s never made me feel like i need to compete with his love or lust and he always craves me. i’m just looking for some advice. how do i stop caring? i can’t change someone who sees no wrong with what they’re doing and being honest i trust he wont take it further and actually sabotage us.

i even told him i worry these girls look better than me and sometimes he can be a bit nonchalant which is why he planned a whole nice weekend and was giving me so many compliments and touching on me.

i just can’t stop worrying and today we had a bit of an argument where he told me that constantly bringing up a conversation is upsetting because he has already given me the answers and he’s with me for me and not just my looks. i feel dramatic but i just want to see what others think.

please be nice, he is a great boyfriend. this has truly been his first flaw and that’s why im having a hard time with this all because to me he is picture perfect so when this happen i just feel bad for feeling like i need to monitor and correct EVERYTHING he does but also im worried im not enough even though hes told me im perfect and a huge asset into his life.

update: thank you to everyone who has contributed to the conversation. i truly appreciate all the feedback. you see i know i can be controlling and toxic through these issues. sometimes my friends enable my feelings by saying they wouldn’t tolerate this. however like i mentioned it’s basically him coming across videos and sometimes looking at their profiles but that’s about it. i’ve spoken to my bf and he has reassured me to be a great partner this has truly been our only issue.

i will be seeking mental health support to work through my insecurities and my unresolved fear towards cheating. i truly see myself marrying my bf and i understand that this is something he’s been tolerating out of love.

i do have BPD which does play a part in this but again its my responsibility to get help to better myself and my relationship(s).

some of these comments were definitely brutal but it’s just a wake up call me for. thank you!