Hello, i want to ask if the story im going to share is considered as cocsa. I don’t know if this is the right place, so im sorry if it’s not.
It happened a long time ago,
I remember my sister playing with me. I don’t really know how old i was, probably between 6 and 9 years old, and she was probably 14-15. She was imagining a scenario about 2 people having sex, and she made me lay on my bed. She then started to get on top of me and doing the movements of a sexual act. I told her to stop many times, and she answered me “not yet”. I tried to push her away but I didn’t have the physical strength to get her off of me. I froze and wanted to cry. I was also shaking.
When I talked to her about it days after what happened, she denied it, so I just stoped talking about it. I know I’ll never bring this discussion again. None will take this seriously and I know it. I hate talking about this and even if I did, I know she will tell me that I’m crazy. Maybe she doesn’t remember it.
I experienced SA multiple times in my childhood, also by family members, who said “I never had bad intentions doing it, I just loved you”. I feel like my whole childhood is just people stealing my innocence. And I feel like I’ll never have a good view of sex in my life, because since I’m a kid I never had. Whenever someone hugs me or touches me, i hate it, and even if I like it on the moment, i end up regretting it, feeling like they soiled me, and i always want to throw up.
Thanks for the possible answers :)