I hate myself
I won't specify my age but just know I'm a male high school student. Just like what the title says, I hate myself. It started a few years ago but now it's getting worse and now I'm actually thinking about killing myself. Every night I cry knowing how much of a disappointment I am to my parents. It's something I've been noticing now. Their tone of voice towards me, almost like they don't wanna see me. I get it though. I've always been an outsider in school, it's something I'm aware of. It took months for me to make just a few friends, but now it's summer break in my country they just left. I tried reaching out, I tried to hangout with them, I really tried everything. But all my effort trying to be normal just went down the drain. I have nobody to go to when I need someone. It's to the point where I'm begging someone to just listen. It hurts to even look at myself anymore because every time I do I get reminded of everything wrong about me. I get reminded that I'm a loser who can't make friends properly, the person who can't talk to people, the person too scared to confess to her. I know I'm still just a teenager but still. I want to confess to her. She's everything I could've dreamed of. Pretty, kind, smart, funny, she's just perfect. I've loved her since kindergarten, and I still love her today. I'm transferring schools so I won't see her as much anymore and that's what frustrates me so much. I'm still the scared loser no matter how hard I try to change. I tried last week but I ended up saying nothing. I just needed to get this off my chest because I'm having a hard time sleeping and I thought this might help. It's 00:24 now and all I've been doing was play guitar until my fingers bled, then I wrote this. Sorry if this post has bad English cause it's my second language, and sorry if what I wrote feels all over the place because I just wrote what was on my mind. I might try confessing to her tho, before I leave.