Disgusted and not attracted to husband of 10 years
We’ve been married for 10 years, dated five years prior to marriage. We met in Santa Clara, CA at a Korean bar called Hue at the time (2010). He was broke and out of shape, but I thought he was cute and endearing. I still remember how he hit on me that night, it was so awkward and embarrassing. He stuttered several times and looked like a deer in headlights when he asked if I’d like to get a drink with him sometime.
Fast forward to present day, this guy is almost 50 now. 48 this month. Never held a job down the entire time. Got fired from a restaurant job within the first year we were together, a job I helped him land through a friend. He claimed that “marketing was his passion” and wanted a bachelor’s degree. So I supported him through community college and transfer to San Jose State University. He drops out because we have a fight and blames everyone for his failure, especially me.
After we get married, his temper explodes regularly. He breaks walls, doesn’t help out, and whines like a baby about his life. He’s fat, ugly, but big and tall so he thinks that somehow makes him irresistible to women. Now that we’re separated, he thinks women are regularly checking him out. This fat, middle aged slob with long nose hairs and unkempt nails. His belly is absolutely disgusting, and he has a gross flat wrinkly old man butt. I remember seeing that shit the first time we had sex and almost gagging. He’s living with his mom now and hasn’t figured out how to get a job or even contribute gas money to his elderly mother’s household. It’s been over 6 months and he’s still blaming his mom and me for his inability to be financially independent. What a fucking loser.
I was young and idealistic though, and the way I was raised I almost felt that it was my duty to love him. After all, I had made the mistake of committing to him by marrying him and everyone from my cousin to his family would remind me that it was my choice.
But I fucking hate him now. He’s a disgusting, boorish, moronic idiot with an inflated ego and delusions of grandeur. Going to file for divorce in December. Can’t wait to get this shit over with.