My partner (25M) and I (27M) just had a long and complex talk about a few things which I really need help with. Much about sexual chemistry and then I'll get into the (directly related) non-monogamy component.
For context, we are about 4 months into our relationship and are open for sexual experiences only. This has been the setup since we met but we only discussed it about a month ago. We've been having (and discussing) sexual compatibility concerns, as neither of us feels quite satisfied with our sex at the moment, though we still have much to try and experiment with. I am quite insecure and working through it, but I've had issues with jealousy or envy in the past. I don't have many sexual experiences outside our relationship. He is quite confident and has many experiences outside our relationship. Still working on our communication style around these things, though we do communicate often.
Today, he first told me that he realized he always loses interest in someone sexually after having sex with them a few times, and that he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. He believes all relationships lose their sexual interest at some point -- that it is inevitable. He prefers to just have experiences with new people often, to keep it engaging. This was a huge hit to me as someone who is very sexually attracted to him and has felt insecure in our sexual compatibility for a while now.
We talked for a very long time, eventually coming up with a plan to try to work through this together, with the goal that we find sexual compatibility. I suggested we close our relationship until we feel secure, with my motivations being: to focus directly on our dynamic, to not provide an easy distraction/escape from our issues, and because my insecurities had extremely heightened since he told me all of this. He was quite firm that he doesn't think we should be closed, mainly because he doesn't see random sex as meaningful and doesn't see how it would affect our dynamic or work to be done.
I do see his point, and I really do not like the idea of limiting his actions or asking him to make a sacrifice for me. He eventually said he does see the value in closing the relationship temporarily, even if not fully convinced, but I now can't help but feel like it will damage our relationship and progress. I just feel so insecure at the moment, knowing that my sexual attraction towards him is not reciprocated, even if it's not my fault. And the idea of him hooking up with other people while our dynamic is so broken is now a hard pill to swallow. That said, I do like the freedom of being able to have other experiences myself, even if I don't practice often.
What do you think --- should we close the relationship while building security OR try to build security while navigating the twists and curves of new non-monogamy? Is our general sexual compatibility a worthy concern? Many thanks in advance.