Help
(NSFW)
I had sex with this guy i’ve been seeing for the first time. He wanted to smoke but didn’t know how to, so i tried to show him and accidentally got high myself (i didn’t mean to which is stupid) and he didn’t end up getting high. I told him that night that i thought i was too high to do anything and he sounded disappointed but was okay with it so we just cuddled.
I waited a little bit and eventually sobered up, when we were cuddling i could feel him hard so i was like f*ck it and said that we should do it (only if we were quiet cause my fam was home) and he got really excited and just got straight into it.
Everything was okay i guess, like he was really nice, it only hurt a little bit though, even though i was wet inside, there was a lack of stimulation down there for me. I wanted to do it because i knew he was hard and that he wanted to do it.
Usually he would be okay and kiss my head if i told him i didn’t want to do anything which is nice.
But afterwards, I felt so sick, I felt really depressed and disgusted in myself, not because i was emotionally or physically detached, because i did want to do it, just not under those circumstances so i don’t know why i did it. I still feel like that, im thinking about the fact that he was inside me and saw me at a vulnerable state makes me feel really weird. I’ve lost my appetite and can’t stop thinking about it.
He is a really kind person and i do like him, so i don’t know why i feel like this, does anyone know why?