Starting Over at 33 — Job, Family Crisis, and Feeling Completely Stuck
Long-time lurker here. Over the past few months, most of my searches in this sub have been about "starting over" and "hitting rock bottom". I finally decided to post because, even though I know people have gone through worse, I still feel completely hopeless.
I’m 33. I got laid off last year and, after a brutal job search, finally landed a job last month. Now I have to give it all up and move back to my home country because of a family emergency.
That’s what’s breaking me.
My parents don’t take care of themselves. My dad is an alcoholic and continued drinking even after being diagnosed with cancer for the second time. My mom is dealing with a disc issue, constantly fasting, and always weak. For the past few years, I haven’t really felt at peace because I’m always worried about them. Missed my dad’s second surgery during COVID, and that regret ate at me. It started affecting my performance at work, and eventually I was laid off. I’ve burned through my savings since then. Now I finally have a job again and I might have to walk away from it.
I feel a mix of rage, resentment, and depression that things didn’t go the way I planned. I catch myself feeling jealous of friends whose parents are healthy and independent. It feels like they only have to worry about their own lives, while mine is constantly pulled back by things I can’t control.
I’ve been clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety. I also have a smoking addiction. I feel guilty about it, especially seeing my dad’s condition, but I haven’t been able to quit. I’ve tried therapy, EFT, hypnotherapy, and even AA. Smoking feels like my only sense of freedom and stress relief, and I can’t imagine life without it.
Moving back would mean,
Starting over in a country I left 10 years ago
Being there as emotional support for my parents
Job hunting again in a place I don’t want to be
Cutting back on smoking
I feel completely paralyzed trying to decide what to do. I know I need to make a decision soon, but I can’t. Part of me wants to believe I can start over again. I feel like I'm blindfolded in a dark cave. I’m scared.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has rebuilt their life from a low point, especially when there was no clear path forward.
TL;DR
33M. Got laid off last year, finally found a job but now have to move back to my home country due to my parents’ serious health issues and inability to take care of themselves. Struggling with depression, anxiety, and a smoking addiction. Feeling stuck, resentful, and paralyzed about whether to give up everything and start over again. Looking for advice from others who’ve rebuilt from rock bottom.