I (34,f) was just diagnosed with level 1 Autism after a grueling psychological testing process (hence all my recent posts here).
I’ve been seeing a mental health PA for my anxiety for about a year, and she placed me on an antidepressant I’d been prescribed before after I’d had a violent meltdown in my twenties. She mentioned during my intake that it sounded like I could have borderline personality disorder. This started my “Summer of BPD”, where I read as many book and memoirs about BPD as I could get my hands on to better understand myself. Yet I found myself relating to almost none of it.
I see two therapists, one twice a month and one as needed for couple’s counseling. Both suggested my struggles with meltdowns and social anxiety could stem from neurodivergence. I didn’t feel like I could accurately identify as neurodivergent without getting tested, so I found a testing center that took my insurance and started the process. That was about 3 months ago.
When I told my psych I was pursuing psychological testing, she told me 1. I clearly wasn’t autistic because I can make eye contact and 2. If I did pursue testing, I should understand the costs and determine my goals.
That really put me off, but I still liked her as a person. I thought she may be right tbh.
Fast forward to a week ago, when I received my diagnosis. Now, everything I’ve struggled with makes sense. I started spending more time on these forums, reading books, watching videos on level one autism experiences (things I avoided because I didn’t want to influence my test results) and it all resonates with me, in ways nothing else ever has.
Like so many others, I’ve spent years being over-diagnosed and over-medicated. Now I have an answer as to why I’ve always felt the way I do, and I’m working toward next step (I meet with the psychologist who tested me on Thursday).
I was nervous to do so, but I shared my diagnosis with my current psych when we met today. I also forwarded the paperwork at her request. She wanted to know how I felt about it, and I was honest. I’m still researching this and working out how I feel, but for the most part, it feels right.
She said it didn’t really matter that I’ve been diagnosed now. It would have been helpful when I was a child and could have gotten accommodations, but now it’s too late for it to mean anything. It’s just information.
I agreed with her in some ways, but I also pointed out that I have been seeking accommodations in my life already. And my biggest question was answered: are my behavioral upsets caused by a chemical imbalance that could be corrected by medication?
I said I wanted to go down on my Trintellix dosage and she wrote me a lower prescription. I didnt mention that I’m interested in getting off antidepressants entirely. I’m supposed to see her again in a month to see how things are doing.
My wife thinks I need to “break up” with her. It’s hard for me because I am a people pleaser, especially when it comes to doctors. I want to get a good grade in mental health patient. I don’t know if her comments warrant a total break up or if I should hang in and give another med another shot (as she suggested). Looking for advice.