I am now turning 29 this month and I am a trans man, but am AFAB. Let me start with a little information/ backstory about my adoption. I was adopted March 1998 at 10 months old; in Zhanjiang, Guangdong Province, China.
My name I'm not sure if it was given by the orphanage or was already my given name is Gou Zhi Ping.
Birthday is said to be May, 24, 1997
I have grown up on the East coast in a rural area with my white parents, a white brother from my dad's previous marriage; and my adopted brother from Guatemala.
My adoption was closed and there was not a lot of information if any that was given to my parents. I have the plane ticket that my parents had used and maybe able to find the orphanage name.
My family tried to keep me involved with other Asian adoptee that I came home with, but that did not last long.
My mom tried to do Chinese new year at my school each year up until 5th grade; she would do a little class on using chopsticks and some Chinese words. I went to a very country- rural school and really didn't get exposed to a lot of diversity.
My brothers adoption was more open as he has the name of his mother and can find his siblings on social media. They enrolled my brother in a city school where he grew up with diverse friend groups and cultures.
I am not sure if this is the place to post this or if there is a better subreddit but I am just needing some advice on how to not feel so isolated and insecure from being Asian. How do other adoptees find their culture and not feel so alone?
Dare I say this but I sometimes really hate being Asian. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and this includes DEI/POC spaces, but this feeling could be from being adopted by white people. I do know I have internalized racism against myself and I am trying to dismantle those thoughts.
TLDR: Transracial adoptee looking for some advice on being Asian and finding culture/ not hating one's self.