narcissistic father not allowing me to stay with my aunt who has shelter, food & money while he is homeless.
This is a long one, but I promise all of the context is important.
When my grandmother passed, I went to live with my father who had been in and out of my life ever since I was three. This was in 2021, when I was 13. I am now 17, about to turn 18 in August.
My father and I have not seen eye to eye in a good minute, not consistently in the five years I've been living with him. He has made my life a miserable hell, and has cheated me out of tons of opportunities that could've bettered the already impoverished and undeveloped life I was and still am living. I am in a constant state of stress around him, and my aunt (on my mother's side) has been trying to seek custody of me since I was 15. My entire mom's side of the family is not very fond of my father, and I've grown to understand why. He is a liar, a manipulator, a gaslighter, and a narcissist. He makes promises he cannot keep, says rude and vile things and expects them to be forgiven with a simple apology, does not make wise decisions in the best interest of his children, involves his children in his own personal matters and grudges, and has at many times placed me in the face of danger.
My grandfather had been living with us for almost the same amount of time that I'd been living with my dad and he'd been paying all of the housing expenses. (My dad did not have a job up until late last year.) When he'd finally left us to live in a different state, I'd discovered we'd been evicted. That was in November. We were given a court order that allowed us to stay in the apartment for a little longer until we could find a new place. We owed $4,000 to the complex that my father would not be paying because 'it wasn't his debt,' which I have no comment nor opinion on. Nevertheless, we were living in an unpaid apartment complex where they had stopped doing maintenance because of our failure to pay back.
Months of a toilet that did not work, holes in the ceiling of the kitchen and bathroom (right above the shower area which made me very paranoid), a peeling tub, and a broken counter. We lived in these conditions up until February 23rd of 2025, when we were finally removed from the apartment. I came home from school, prepared to go to work, just to find all of my stuff out in the parking lot, along with TVs, furniture, appliances, and more. They took my cat to the shelter and gave us seven days to reclaim him before he was adopted by someone else. My father waited until the 7th day, 30 minutes before they closed, to retrieve my cat. I had to search through all of my friends and people I'm not even really close with to find someone to take care of him because we could not. I sincerely regret getting him back because he would've definitely had a better life had he been adopted, but I was never given the chance to reverse nor think through that decision because I was informed less than two weeks later that my father had come by the house of the family that was taking care of him, took him with him, and released him near our old apartment. And he did not tell me. I was not informed until a week after the fact.
As I am near graduation (May 11th), I find that we are still homeless. The day we were kicked out, I was lucky enough to have a friend whose mom was more than happy to let me stay with them until my father found a new home for us. That still has not happened, and I am typing this as I still reside with that friend and her mother. They are planning to go out of town this summer after my friend and I graduate, and her mother is finding that she doesn't have the funds to house me for much longer, as she is just used to it being her and her daughter. Now, back to the aunt who has been trying to seek custody of me. They have not seen eye to eye for a good minute now, and have been arguing since August of last year. He refuses to call or text her, and says that she has his number and can call him and apologize for a recent argument they had but refuses to pick up the phone. After graduation, I will no longer have a home. Instead of allowing me to stay with the aunt who is more than willing to and WANTS to house me, he is worried about his family reunion planned for the day after my graduation that will take place in another state.
He asked why I cannot just 'stay in their (my friend's) house while they are out of town, by myself'.
He is refusing to reason with me, my aunt, or my friend's mom. It has become an exhausting and daunting chore of speaking to him, and as I am near three months before college, I believe I deserve a stable home, food, and a family that will be able to love and surround me before I am on my own.
I ask what can I do? What can be done? I sincerely do not want to live with him any more as he has worn me down mentally and emotionally, and spending another three months with him after five years of hell is not something I'm sure I can survive. Again, I apologize for this being so long, but my story is truly something that cannot be shortened. Thank you for reading.
- ag