u/2burgerbuns

I purged 3 days ago for the first time in a while and it's already increasing slowly it went from once to twice yesterday and then before 9am I already have today and I'm already planning to either not eat or b/p. That might not be alot but I'm worried that soon it will consume my life like it used to. I don't know how to not do it, all of a sudden all food Is scary and it's like why eat if I can't purge it. The only thing that feels okayish to eat is carrots and green beans so do I just eat those or what :(

I'll have all my meals planned out ect and all of a sudden when I start eating I just zone out and keep grabbing more and more and more.

I eat clean, i prioritize protein and fibre, I haven't had any junk or sugar in ages I genuinely just eat tons of veggies and meat but obviously that doesn't matter I need a calorie deficit to lose weight not clean foods.

I don't think it's hunger because I'm usually full when it happens so maybe its just a habit now?

Today for the first time I stopped halfway then walked away and again stopped before it happened (though i did over eat by 1.3k cals an extra at dinner) which proves I can stop but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or tips to notice it or is there any easier way to stop it or like being mindless and not caring in the moment? Is this just a thing where I "just do it" and stop with discipline?

I'm diagnosed anorexic but probably more ednos with all the B/ping, binging, ect habits I have now. I don't know how to eat or what to do I'm so lost I just eat all the time to soothe myself I think but I've gained so much weight it's borderline obesity. I can't go to a dietician or get therapy so how can I help myself? Do I really just eat 3 meals 3 snacks? How do I choose what meals? How do I know if I'm hungry? How do I just stick to my meal and not say fuck it and restrict or fuck it and spend hours eating.