u/2_dollars

They kill people.

I opened my eyes to see my girlfriend tying me to a chair.

“What are you doing to me?"

“You, dear boyfriend, are about to become my next meal!” She laughed maniacally.

“Let me go!” I tried desperately to wrestle free, but her ropes were too tight. “Say it isn’t so!”

She ignored me and hummed as she finished with the ropes.

“Why are you doing this?"

“Remember my vacation last year? Africa?”

I nodded.

“I became a cannibal. Crime pays.”

I thought quickly to stall her. “You wanted children! I’m a family man! Do it for love!”

She shrugged. “Missed opportunity.”

“What about my farm I want to build? Haulin’ Oats? You make my dreams come true!”

“I can’t go for that," she said. " No can do.”

Suddenly, private eyes crashed through the windows.

The broken glass freed me from my ropes and also severed both her hands.

Staring at her spurting nubs, she said, “I’ve got money. Let me go, and you’ll have it all.”

I replied, “You’re a rich girl, and you’ve gone too far, 'cause you know it don’t matter anyway.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “You’re out of touch.” Then I glanced at my watch. “I’m out of time.” I put handcuffs on her nubbed wrists, but they kept falling off. Then I handed her to two detectives.

“Take her away, boys. She’s a maneater!”

I watched them put her in the car and drive off.

She’s gone.