I was raised a fucking pussy
Hello, I'm M(17), as far as I remember, I've always been sensitive and emotional, I never studied in school because I thought "it's useless" and preferred doomscrolling youtube, basically an Ipad kid, I never learnt basic math, I never learnt how to think, I never learnt basics of anything in general, my knowledge is limited to 3rd grade level, main reason? I was not disciplined.
My parents were often absent because they had to work, so the only one raising me was my grandma, while I love and appreciate her, she was too soft on me, she never said "no" to me, she never taught me to be mentally strong, she never taught me to do something even if I didn't want to(which is the key to discipline), my family would spoil me and never make me get out of my comfort zone, my dad sometimes acts harsh on me nowadays and gets surprised when I cry, like "why are you acting like a girl?", I don't know, dad... maybe because you never showed me how to be a man?
Also I've been addicted to phone and TV since my early childhood, because it's much easier to just give your worthless shit kid an Ipad than try to parent him. I did nothing but watch cartoons, youtube and was exposed to the kind of content I don't even want to talk about, I've been doomed to be chronically online.
I was basically fatherless my entire life since he never bothered to show me how to be masculine, I understand why, since his childhood was tough and he had to suffer constant abuse, I know he just wants my life to be easier than his, but there's a limit to everything. In result, I never made any friends, I never learnt anything, I've been obese my entire life, I can't take a joke or a dig, I get emotional and start crying, I can't stand up for myself, I can't talk to people, I can't form a proper sentence, I can't force myself to do work because I was raised with the lazy mindset, I don't even feel like I can be considered a man at all.
I love my family and they loved me, but love isn't enough.