u/2340000

A helpful saying that keeps me emotionally regulated is “consider the source”.

I was raised by abusive, insecure parents. They yelled at cashiers. They mocked people behind their backs. They were manipulative & antagonistic. So, I grew up thinking everyone was allowed to criticize me. This belief made me emotionally unstable. I thought: If they were happy, I could be happy. If they were rude, I was responsible.

Now, I consider the source. If I encounter a toxic boss or an unkind neighbor, I consider the negative mental space they’re in to behave like that. If someone criticizes me for unnecessary things like my fashion choices or my food preferences, I consider what they’re trying to gain. Usually it’s control. Power. Leverage. Maybe they’re trying to soothe their low self-esteem. Studying social psychology helps a lot too.

Just my 2 cents!

I’ve always prided myself on having courage. Although I’m kind & mild-mannered, I have a no bullshit rule. I can be confrontational when necessary. I don’t have an issue speaking up for myself, addressing issues, etc.

However, I have a close friend of 5 years that I want to cut ties with, and yet here I am…..completely avoiding the issue. I realize I don’t like her as a person. Sure, she’s a “good person”, but she doesn’t work on herself. She’s male-centered, sometimes lacks empathy, and is inconsiderate.

So…maybe I’m not as confrontational as I assumed. I feel like such a coward avoiding the obvious.

I’m currently grieving the loss of a safe friendship I’ve had for 5 years.

Although my friend is loving and good natured, we are very different. I’m more confrontational and independent & she’s more passive and validation seeking. I used to think this wasn’t an issue, but I’m realizing it is.

The problem is, I was dating a guy who threatened to hit me. When I first told her why it happened, she defended him. The guy had been in his home country, visiting his family. He’d been there for 3 weeks. He was staying out all day with his friends and “requesting” that his mother make his meals. My criticism was that he should learn to cook the food himself🤷🏽‍♀️ He also has an adult brother who lives there with the dad, so I asked “who cooks for your mom?”. The guy irritatingly said “she cooks for herself”. During this convo, he raised his fist at me.

My friend completely ignored the fist issue & said “maybe he’s just missing his mother’s cooking”. Her point was that she misses her native food sometimes. My point is, did you listen to what I told you??? Yesterday she asked me if I was picking up his calls. Obviously NOT!!

I’m not trying to be mean, but I think she’s ignorant. I have no respect for her anymore. I don’t respect her relationship decisions. I think she lacks courage. I think she’s too insecure. Too male-centered. Just all of it.

I keep seeing posts praising Shunamite’s behavior. Maybe it’s my TikTok & IG algorithm, but Shu is an insecure bully🤷🏽‍♀️

I keep seeing “she’s an icon” or “love her comebacks”. Even the official Testaments page on TikTok has “she said what she said”.

She’s not funny or clever. She’s passive aggressive & desperately needs to feel more important than everyone. Yes, this is exactly how Gilead brainwashes girls. But, it still troubles me that viewers find her relatable.