My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F)have been together for almost half a year now, and he is genuinely so sweet, and he loves me so much, and I feel the same about him. Before we were together, I figured out he likes bigger women and when I confronted him he told me- and was quite shy and understandably a little quiet about it. This is fine, and obviously he can have preferences. He says he loves me regardless of weight and size and all that and he said he won't (And he isn't) pressuring me to gain anything, but he keeps saying I'm not eating enough to be healthy which I do get as I’m struggling with eating recently and i feel like, although he has good intentions to make me healthy I kind of feel like I can’t please him (just for me to be healthy) and myself in terms of getting skinnier. I feel bad because I don't want him to think I'm making myself worse because of his fetish, but I guess it's made me more hyperaware of what I'm eating.
Some days I will cater towards his things, because sometimes I am in the mood for a similar thing, but after binging, I feel so guilty, and it makes me even worse. I’m fine and so is he using water, low-cal syrups, Coke Zeros and other low cal things so that it pleases me in terms of calorie intake, but he said it's not really the same, but he does appreciate it when I do this regardless as he knows it’s a struggle for me and always asks if I’m ok doing it beforehand and during to make sure I’m in a good state of mind.
I just feel like I'm unable to please him since I don't have the body type he wants, but we are both clear that we love each other and we mean the world to each other, but I feel like I'm not good enough, because he doesn't seem to have an actual attraction towards me. Maybe I have to compromise and let him watch mature stuff to do with that because I can't bring myself to gain weight. It's just a strange situation, and I really need some advice.
Has anyone else been in this sort of situation( I know it's very strange), or have any advice to help me out?
TL;DR- my boyfriend had a feeder kink and I have problems eating and can’t bring myself to gain weight, and he doesn’t mind but I feel like I can’t please him in a relationship.