u/1rrat1onal

I’m a 19 year old trans guy who was on testosterone for 5 and a half months until my parents gave me the ultimatum “stop testosterone or get out of my house”.
I was in an almost two year long relationship from 15-17 years old but he ended things after I found out I have vulvodynia and vaginismus which makes sexual intercourse impossible.
Back in February of this year one of my guy friends from high school messaged me and wanted to meet up, so we did. We talked, he understood my conditions, we did things we were both comfortable with, I felt seen and appreciated, then he ghosted me a few days after. He is straight.
I luckily don’t have as severe bottom dysphoria as I do the rest of my body. Anything sexual does cause distress, but it’s manageable and easier to control when I’m comfortable with the person I’m being intimate with.
I am strictly into cis men, I wish from the bottom of my heart that I was attracted to women or other trans men, but I’m not. I tried.
I’ll always be female, and men will always view me as such no matter what I do. And it hurts. I can’t even give men what they want (vaginal sex) so I genuinely feel like I’m destined to be single for the rest of my life. Gay men won’t be into me because I’m female, straight men won’t be into me because I present outwardly as male, bisexual men call me “the best of both worlds” until they find out I can’t give them what they want. I’m broken!