When we first started talking, she sort of love bombed me and was very promiscuous. So often we'd start to get intimate but she was always very nervous once it got to fourth base. I could sense her discomfort so Id try to take things slow but she'd be begging me to keep going and to ignore her. It was weird. I could tell she had some intimacy issues so I tried really hard to never pressure her and i just let her do the initiating. Then she slowly became very comfortable with sex. Without me asking, she was very submissive, sending me nudes daily, trying to get freaky in public, and wanting to try new things in the bedroom. The sex was amazing. It was pretty cool.
Then the discomfort started to come back. No clue if I did something to make her feel uncomfortable, it felt very sudden. There's a couple times she just stops and can't continue. She tells me she thinks it's because of trauma from childhood (very messed up situation). I agree we can take a break from sex, no worries at all. I feel horrible that she's been trying to repress that just to please me. She says sees a gynecologist and they tell her she's just clenching down there, which makes sex really painful. They tell her treatment requires physical and psychological effort, but she's can learn to relax her body over time.
I'm completely fine with waiting. We get along really well. Despite it being amazing sex, there's so much more to our relationship. We grow a lot closer over the next year. We're in love, she tells me she wants to marry me someday.
Very recently, I have been struggling with controlling my desires. I've never gone a year without sex, let alone a few consecutive months. Sex isn't a huge priority, but it's still a part of a healthy relationship. We've had some rough patches and usually require me to take an emotional sacrifice. She's not controlling, Im just very go with the flow, I'll make adjustments, I can have a high tolerance as long as you're happy.
But it's gotten to the point where I feel like I need sex. I've been tolerant for a while. But her trauma is very real and I really don't want to make her uncomfortable again. The other day I brought it up and I asked her how she's been feeling towards sex lately. She says she's never in the mood. I ask if she's been getting treatment like she had planned and she says "no, I don't think I like sex. I always thought I was asexual and I was just kinda forcing myself to enjoy it with you. Im fine with never having sex again."
I don't know what to say. For the last year, I thought this was an issue she wanted to get over, was working on it, and I was willing to stick by her. She knows how important physical affection is for me (physical touch is definitely my biggest love language). I feel a bit conflicted because I don't know if it truly means we'll get married and never ever be intimate again. We just went more than a year without even bringing up the topic. We've done nothing more than make out 1 time. And that's all a sacrifice I made for her comfort. I feel hurt that she hasn't been trying to get help, that she was love bombing me with sex, and she's pretty apathetic to my needs.
How can I approach this conversation with her?