u/19justsaying82

My mistakes were loud, public and without excuse. Divorce was for the best, but during my marriage I bottled up so much frustration, feelings of disrespect, a lack of compromise when it came to my boundaries and when I didn’t have the bravery, strength, honesty, I became a coward and self destructed until the decision was taken out of my hands……..seeking help I started counselling and as I spoke of her actions, I still watered down the stories I told. As the first session closed I was asked if I’d ever been in an abusive relationship? No, I replied. As the sessions went on,I spoke of how I couldn’t cope with the volatile nature of her emotions, but chose not to share my struggles as I believe a relationship is private. For every tale I didn’t tell, her friends would make it obvious my wrong doings were not kept private. Every time I’d leave sessions, the question was asked, but my response had thawed to “I’m not a victim”. I stand by that to this day, I often told tales protecting my partner and then wife, but I do think them tales were more to protect the image of a strong man. I could write for days, years, forever. Explaining how my lack of boundary protection created a monster? Or is that the image someone would portray if they believed they were the victim? Either way, since leaving the home that was never right, I haven’t shared a tale, broken the privacy of thos who tarnish my name and all that while hearing of truths that were covered up, fictitious tales of a bully, followed by the financial mess I left in my wake. Yet I don’t speak ill of the mother of my child? I don’t want opinions to be altered due to the word of me? But is that abuse or an ill deserved loyalty to a relationship that wasn’t what I thought?