I was reading another post and someone said “it’s considered a faux pas to introduce the meta so soon“ in a relationship that’s 2 years old. Am I the only one who things that’s a weird faux pas? Ive been poly for 20 years and its a huge red flag to me if I don’t meet someone’s meta within the first half dozen dates. Did poly just change around me (and become a whole lot less healthy, imo)? individual people have their own speed but I don’t want dadt and it’s not important so much to be friends but to make sure my metas know about me and are ok with the relationship AND that they have a healthy relationship with their metas. it’s a red flag if the primary relationship is abusive for instance and I want to know if I can be free to have a real relationship with the person. what are your thoughts? when do you introduce a new potent partner to your “primary” or other metas?
edit to say that It takes me a good 3-4 months to have 6 or more dates, just as a frame of reference on time And I’d want people to know and be ok right about when I’m thinking it could be a serious relationship for me. but hey I’ve gotten enough data and appreciate the replies. I do think maybe it’s a case of people being a lot more comfortable with sexual and emotional risk vs the general population changing to be a lot less comfortable with their own behaviors being known/how seriously non confrontational people have become to the point they want to engage with other humans if at all. there is a trend I’m seeing that makes me feel like I’d trust the “community” even less if not being parallel is a big ick factor. Note that I have zero interest in control I only want my own boundaries respected. boundaries are about what I’m willing to put up with and what I do with myself, I don’t “demand” anybody do anything, I set up clear expectations of what I will do with myself when a boundary is crossed. everyone should have boundaries, and if someone else knowing you exist or the very basics of what influence you might have in your hinges relationships is a boundary you do you (it’s not for me and that would be a consideration on my part).