u/19SassyBitch71

We dated 20 years ago for about 18 months, was a confusing time for us both, I was nearing the end of a divorce and his ex had left a few months prior out of the blue. I loved him, I just don’t think he loved me, or couldn’t verbalize it… ( found out after his death he was bipolar) and he was a secret heavy drinker and didn’t want me to know. We split late 2007 and I didn’t hear from him again until 2010 when he just called out of the blue…. I was a bit snotty at first because I had been hurt, but at the end of the call I told him he could call me and time, day or night and I’d answer and talk to him. He never called again. I thought of him often over the years, and daydreamed about him and what it could have been. In early 2023 I had a dream that he died in… I was laying next to him and he just stopped breathing and died…. I woke up and told my husband, “ I had a dream Rick died” it was so real! I could see him as he was and what he was wearing and everything. I went looking for obits in the coming days, but there was nothing, so I figured he was ok. A few months passed, and I kept thinking of him and wondering if he was doing ok, so I searched him again, and found his obituary, he had died right about the time I had the dream. He died by suicide, I knew he was a little sad and distant, but I didn’t know the full scope of what was wrong. Anyway, I keep having dreams of him, his house he used to live in, areas he was, the building he died in….. I had another one lastnight….. in some I am trying to help him, in others it’s like I’m looking for clues as to what went wrong, sometimes I see him, or what appears to be a form of him, but it’s quite sad. I’ve woken up crying a few times. He passed away over 3 years ago, and I don’t think I’m likely to ever stop dreaming of him. I loved him, I always will in a way. I’m just so sad he’s not here anymore…. All I have left are memories and these dreams, which I log in my empi-dream app.