i'm so fucking done with everything
i live in a conservative state where not passing could literally get me killed. i've been on hrt for almost 2 years now but my height and build have just made me look like a woman's face plastered on a man's body. i'm terrified to leave the house, and when i do i get weird looks regardless of how i present and it's so fucking exhausting being a walking sideshow everywhere i go. i can't work because of some disabilities but don't qualify for disability because i'm not disabled "enough," so i'm currently looking for a job but every application or interview feels like a humiliation ritual, not to mention how fucking dangerous it is to give out my personal information to people around here. i have no money, no escape route, and it feels like there's no way to better my situation. i just want to be fucking normal, why can't i be normal??? and now the president has apparently made it his personal mission to literally kill us. i'm just so done, so tired. i want this all to stop and i'm seriously considering "logging off" lately. i think the worst part is how lonely it all is too. i have no friends because of how isolated i am, real life or otherwise. i think it's giving me literal brain damage. sorry for how negative this post is, i just needed to get this out of my system. back to slowly drowning day by day 🫡
p.s. when i say "why can't i be normal" i'm not referring to being trans as abnormal it's just how i feel. i just wish i fit into the boxes people expect me to