u/1994justmeonreddit

I met a guy in a dance class about 5 weeks ago. We got talking and started going out, usually in group settings (and we'd peel off on our own) but we've had a couple of "proper" dates too. Obviously I don't know him too well after such a short time but I feel very comfortable around him and always have so much fun. He's very interesting, non-jugemental, and sweet. Our conversations are genuinely very interesting too

I became friends with his housemate too and see him quite often. The guy I'm actually seeing has been abroad for a conference this past and I was doing a bit of digging because I was tipsy. Basically I asked his housemate "so what's his deal?"

What followed was a few hours of his housemate telling me some pretty gross stuff.

According to the housemate, he's talking to at least 3 other women who are all abroad. I said it's ok to talk to multiple people since we hadn't discussed exclusivity or anything like that. But it sounds like these women have been around for a long time. Housemate continued to describe some manipulative and rude behaviours that the guy I'm seeing has shown towards these women when they've come to visit/he's visited. For example, putting pictures of one girl in his wallet just in case she saw, he wanted her to think they were always there. He claims they're not in a relationship but housemate thinks the girl believes they are.

One time the guy I'm seeing was late to a group hangout and the housemate said it's because he always calls a particular girl at that time every Saturday.

Apparently on a few occasions that he's asked me to join him and his friends out, it was actually the housemate who told him to message me.

The housemate claims this guy is incredibly performative and he will do/say whatever to look good.

Here's the kicker... apparently when they started the class we're all in, the guy I like said they should each pick a girl they like in the class (basically dibs). The housemate chose me and felt angry when he kissed me.

So I have no idea what to think. Something in my gut believes the housemate, but I'm very aware that he hates the guy I'm seeing and he's mad because he wanted me so I'm only hearing one side of the story. The housemate knows I'm never going to go out with him regardless though.

The man who the housemate describes seems like an entirely different person to who I was getting to know...

I've always enjoyed being with the guy I like and would like to see him again. But, if I believe the housemates stories then he seems like a manipulative man who is using me to get what he wants (we've slept together once). I'm not used to dating, and I'm very non confrontational. I have no idea what to say when he gets back to the UK and I haven't even replied to his messages for a couple of days. I don't know how to handle the situation without outright asking if he said X Y Z (I promised the housemate I wouldn't tell him we'd had that conversation).

This is all too much for a guy I've only known for less that 2 months but I was really into him.

Hi all, I feel like I'm just looking for validation about my current situation.

I work in a capital city, in a sector which isn't known for it's high pay or stability. 2 years ago I moved here with a public sector job that started at £33k and went up annually, but that salary got moved up a pay band to £42k. I loved it and was finally feeling financially comfortable (I don't have any dependents or a mortgage).

Then the organisation cut my job and I was unemployed for 5 months. I returned to the organisation via an agency for a 3 month contract which was back at my old rate of pay and will end in a month.

I applied to grad schemes early on in my redundancy and I just got an offer today! It's a permanent contract starting at £29.5k. I'm in the same sector, but I will be learning a completely new set of skills and it will be a very different type of role to what I'm used to. It's much more technical and in the private sector. If I'm honest, l think I will enjoy it much less than my old job, however I applied because the technical skills would (in theory) give me greater job security down the line.

I know I should be happy, and I do feel a lot of relief knowing I've secured something, but I can't help feeling incredibly anxious and a little ashamed to accept such a low offer in my early thirties... but maybe I shouldn't complain because £29.5k is more than zero. I will need to move into a sharehouse and will struggle to save for a mortgage.

I feel very grateful to have found something in my city, I'm finally feeling settled and don't want to move for another couple of years.

I can push the start date back until September, maybe I should do that and continue to look elsewhere?

I know it's quite common to take a pay cut to switch careers but I'm staying within the same sector and therefore feeling frustrated. I'm not sure what my next steps are!