I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, mostly our relationship is happy and good but something is happening that has left me totally shaken and doubting our future together. Recently I had to have my cat put to sleep, she was nearly 20 years old and I loved her very much. It’s obviously been a very emotional time for me and I’m crying a lot.
I‘ve just been noticing that my bf hasn’t stepped up in the way I need him to since this happened. The day I took her to be put to sleep, he didn’t text me until I reached out late in the afternoon, and he barely checked in with me after that except to say he was sorry for me and said he loved me. The day after, we hang out and he hugs but nothing really big, like he kinda just says he’s sorry and moves on. The morning after, he goes out to spend the whole day with friends and leaves me alone, doesn’t check in, etc. He can tell I’m upset later that day and my mood is down, I explain I’m very devastated and need time to get over it, and that it would have been appreciated if he had spent his day off with me instead of his friends all day.
it’s been a day since that and still, he hasn’t made any real effort to comfort me. I’m not expecting some grand gesture, even a little note from him saying he’s here for me and a donut or coffee would have made me literally overjoyed. But I’m getting next to nothing and it’s making me consider how he deals when times are tough, i want a partner who will think of little things like that to cheer me up and not just empty “sorry”s. i guess I’m looking for advice, how do I broach this with him, is this behavior that can be taught or do I just go find it from someone else? I can’t tell if grief is clouding my judgment but I’m so turned off by this lack of care and empathy. Thank you.
TLDR: my boyfriend has not tried to comfort me after my cat died very recently, and it’s making me reconsider our relationship.