It can be that. Typically, self-harm is indeed a form of self-punishment, a way to have a feeling of control, a way to emotionally regulate yourself, etc. I don't relate to any of that. I've been cutting myself since i was 6 years old and I can't name a single time where I felt regulated or grounded by it. I never felt any relief. I never felt in control or emotionally regulated. I never felt like I was punishing myself. I don't think this is even a way that I cope? It offers me nothing. It's just an activity that doesn't take much effort and it is something I can do quickly if I'm bored. That's why I cut myself. I don't feel ashamed and would heavily enjoy cutting with others. I am not trying to romanticise this but I have wanted to be cut together with someone basically since I started this. It feels just like a normal activity to me. I don't know why. The only difference is that a part of my body will hurt significantly more than it did before my session. I can tolerate pain a lot and don't mind it unless it affects my mobility or cognition. Pain is purely physical to me, therefore irrelevant unless it causes the things I stated earlier. I know this isn't typical but has anyone experienced this as well?
(very poorly written, excuse me. I am too tired)