u/123Green_Patient123 — reddlx

Heyyy

I(w) am currently crushing on a friend (w) of mine and I feel like I should move on. Maybe let me give you some context before that.

Well, almost two years ago she ended up in my grade. We share some classes and we are also only a few people in our grade (only around 20 people), so we know each other. At the beginning we didn't talk as much but we were on a friendly level. Like I was the first person in the grade to ask her for her phone number or social media account. Once my best friend was talking to her about going skating and she talked about how bad I am in it, so my crush asked her for me to come with them. We did meet up and I thought it might be a good sign.

Fast forward, she told us that she was going on a date with someone else and that person ended up being her boyfriend. As you can guess I did feel really crushed and I found it unfair to keep thinking about her. I tried to avoid thinking about her and trying to minimalize my contact with her.

It did work for quite a while. I believe around 6 months and I thought I was kinda over it. She broke up with her boyfriend (I didn't know much around it, because I tried to just avoid knowing about them two together) We were just friends. I would sit in some classes beside her and it was normal. I mean yeah she is a more touchy person as usual. We sometimes stroke each other's back in class breaks, hug or occasionally hold hands. I mean I do it with other friends too, so it isn't as unusual yk.

Everything was normal, till we went in February with our grade on a two day trip. When we arrived there, we had to choose who we wanted to go on in a room. I actually told my best friend beforehand that we would share a room but then suddenly my crush asked me unaware of that situation, if we wanted to share a room. At first I looked at my best friend because I felt guilty saying yes but she gave me a nod.

We had to do some organizing but in the afternoon we as a friend group went to the room of a friend. We hung out there till some got tired and my crush suggested the rest going to our room. There we all continued our talk. It was suddenly deep talk we had. One of the guys asked one of my other male friends if he ever had a gay guy approach him. He said yes and he also reacted very respectfully. The other guy did throw out some homophobic stuff around. I believe he has a good heart but his parents are very strict.

You might now ask how that goes on with the situation with my crush. Well, she was being very protective but I didn't think anything of it. Then she suddenly asked me and another friend how we found out we were bi (she found out about us being bi only on that day). We told her and then my friend asked her if she liked girls. She said yes and I was pretty shocked. I was so sure she was straight. Firstly because of the ex-bf and then her being a very believing Christian. She told us that her parents are homophobic.

Then we all went on a walk in the middle of the night. I talked to her mostly and she opened up about a lot of things I won't go into detail but I felt like I understood her better. Even after the rest wanted to go back we walked. Around 4am we were back in our room and we did end up sleeping in the same bed. After that I guess my feelings have been back.

After the trip we were so much closer. We talked more and we texted even sometimes. Even in friend group hangouts I feel like we are closer. However I only feel like it is giving me friends vibes. I think when someone likes you, you feel it?

I don't want to ruin our friendship. She is a really cool person and I appreciate our friendship. I feel like I am being dishonest because I have feelings for her but I also don't want to tell her. We are graduating this year and I am not sure how often we will see each other. I of course hope we will stay in contact but you never know.

Do you think I should tell her anything? Should I just appreciate the friendship and just move on? If yes, then how? I haven't seen her for some weeks, but she is all I can think about right now. Any advice would be appreciated.