I hate having to crawl to the gym just to barely make myself do three exercises 2x a week, as well as trying to walk for merely 15 minutes. I use to do so much more in the gym, but I can’t even stomach trying to push through what I’m doing now.
Is there any way for me to like weightlifting that doesn’t require me to kick and scream on my way to the gym, or am I doomed forever to hate all of this?
I’m an absolute failure when it comes to sticking to things I have to do and want to do. Nearly every task in my life from hobbies to chores is a massive. fucking. struggle. I am exhausted from putting in the effort to do anything because I know, eventually, I’ll get bored or distracted by something else.
It should not be *that* hard to read my books, write in my journal, follow through on my creative hobbies, or even get out of bed in the morning. It’s like I’m dragging a boulder just to do these simple things. They’re not life-threatening choices. No one is pointing a gun to my head and forcing me to do this stuff. Yet, I still don’t do anything or mindlessly scroll on my phone. Or lie in my bed until I eventually get up. The worst part is that I never had that difficult of a life. I’ve had mental struggles, but I was never starving, had serious medical conditions or experience any similar tragedies.
Recently, I began questioning whether I have ADHD, but never thought about it deeply because I figured it was my depression getting the best of me. But lately, I’m noticing some signs after my therapist said it was possible for me to have ADHD.
Whether or not I have it doesn’t really matter to me. Honestly, I don’t know if I want to solve this problem because I’m so used to this. I hate having to struggle to do basic tasks and admitting that I need help to just do normal human things. I hate living like this, but yet I still don’t want to do anything about it even though I know what to do about it.