Hello,
Hope you're doing well.
I'm looking for native speakers to improve my speaking, and also listening... Currently at basic daily conversation stage..
I'm a mom of two, living in a Chinese speaking country..
If you do not mind, please be my language partner, and would be happy to be friends as well...
Thank you very much!
writing to you again....
in the middle of this dark life...
you're the only light i could look back on...
the only light i had...
but it's no longer lit...
light dimmed...
thought about the past over and over again....
it's crazy how much space you occupy in my mind...
and heart too, even if I don't wish to admit...
because i know to you, i meant nothing....
we both had the same experience...
to me it means a whole lot...
it's the highlight of my book .
but to you, I'm just a random little chapter...
fcckkk this hurts.. and so pathetic....
from the very beginning of our relationship, it seemed to be destined for failure....
even when we had just started there was a huge imbalance in power, he would walk ahead of me, and command me, including sex related requests (go for breast enlargement massages), there was also verbal abuse and silent treatments.
because of that i started to seek validation online, showing men online just to know if i really did looked bad that i needed the change...
i stopped seeking validation for years, but the abuse although less, continued...
small insults and emotional neglect led me to making online friends.. but this time purely platonic..
our honeymoon period was from the time we got engaged until i gave birth to our first child.. which lasted about 3 years...
when child was born, i felt very alone, as i was the only one taking care of her.. my husband did not helped, and also dismiss most of my worries, saying that i over think..
after two years, i had a miscarriage, although just 2 months old... and when i told husband I was sad, he didn't seem to care much, maybe because I wasn't bawling..
neglected and small abuse, and sex coercion continued...
i started to seek emotional connection online...
which lead to sexual ones..
it went on and off, i would try to stop but go back to it again in months..
i am just very lonely...
he doesn't love me, probably never had, and i think i may have stopped loving him too..
we're probably heading for divorce amidst a 3 months long silent treatment, as he found out i talk to guys online...