Lentil curry and rice.
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I cannot exist in a social scenario, without wearing a mask. Not with my bros, not with my family.
Wearing a mask, is the default state of my 'social' being, I do not even have to think it over... Nor even for a single unit of mental gymnastics... it just happens like an acquired reflex.
There is no primary mask. There is literally no 'fake me' that I can/will present.
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All that is to say, even if someone tries to be intimate with me... All they will ever get from me... is an interface. A mask, that I will custom fit to the sake of interacting with them.
There is no authenticity in the social part of my very being. I am not a social organism without the masks. I am an individual with Vestigial features.
Why must I even seek to lose my celdom? Why must I still anythingMaxx? Why can't I just be volcel? Why is this need in me, irrational?
Why can't I just be an individual? Why does the very internal language in my head, need to be rational for the sake of communication? Why?
Why?
Even if I spark romantic interest in someone... Why would they even stick with me for more than a minute? All I can offer anyone... Is just a mask... Not a person.