ok so i dont even know where to start or why im posting my struggles on REDDIT because i feel like a genuine loser for this. keep in mind this is prolly gonna be petty bullshit because im a minor and i suck at friendships so read at ur own risk (online friend btw)
also keep in mind that im 15 and this friend is 14
im gonna call this friend shelly. Im also gonna call the guy carson.
So recently a couple days ago, my best friend of over 2 years blocked me on everything. I wasnt really upset until 2-3 days later. Now the idea that we'll never talk again is hitting me hard. So me and Shelly met around 2024, and i got attached quickly since my entire life i haven't had friends or anybody. We used to play games like fortnite, overwatch, roblox, phasmophobia, among us, etc every day for 5+ hours for months up until this february. Ever since then, she's been really distant and we haven't talked that often since. In march of 2026, she attempted suicide via overdose and ever since then i've been more clingy and scared that it'll happen again. Before she attempted, she messaged me and told me her goodbyes. I called the police and she was sent to the mental hospital. While she was there she met this guy named Carson. When she got home all she would talk about is him and i felt super neglected and jealous and i just missed talking to her about literally anything else. I told her about this because i always have believed in communication, which i regret now because I think this is what started the downfall of our friendship. I'd like to add similar thing happened before with a guy who was literally a pedophile.
(editing this but she was talking abt this guy for like a month 2 weeks straight. like we genuinely had barely any other interactions.)
Fast forward to a day later from me bringing it up.
She sent me a photo of her new phone case and i thought everything was chill. Apparently not because 3 hours later she deleted her messages from that day and blocked me on everything. She's never unadded me or blocked me on anything our entire friendship. I just wanted clarity so i dm'd her on another account just asking why.
She replied to me yesterday saying the following, "the reason why i honestly dont want to be friends anymore is because most of the time ur just a selfish narcissistic dick and u make me feel horrible over the smallest things. like yeah, you’re a cool person but everytime we talk or we play a game, its always about what YOU want and how YOU want to do it and you throw a tantrum like a goddamn toddler when it doesnt go your way"
This paragraph makes me sound like a major asshole but I don't even know what I did lowkey. I just wish she told me before if i was selfish or how i made her feel bad about stuff I honest to gosh would never try to do that shit I loved her and cared about her so deeply dude. and i am a bit bossy when we play games of what strategies or characters she should maybe play as to help us win but i never wanted her to feel forced or like it was a chore to play with me. and i dont even know what "you throw a tantrum like a goddamn toddler when it doesnt go your way" IS ABOUT. I NEVER GET MAD AT GAMES OR ANYTHING. i dont degrade her or get mad at her when we lose. i get a bit disappointed but i dont audibly say that. theres been so many times she just rage quitted and hung up because she was so irritated that we lost. she even told me before the reason she hung up was because she would start screaming at me if she didnt. idk dude im prolly the bad guy but i swear if she told me habits i had and stuff i did i wouldve honest to gosh tried to change myself and if something i was doing was bothering her i wouldve truly stopped. i feel like its too late and that our friendship is reconcilable and i feel like im gonna get bashed and shit on here too.
extra info :/
(This might be coming out of my resentment for her but I would like to add Shelly would NOT stop talking about self harm and her eating disorder and I relapsed from my fucking streak of no self harm which i feel super ashamed about. I do think that my relapse is my fault but I just wish she would've stopped talking about it since im so easily impressionable. I'm also pretty sure I have a eating disorder rn and I am genuinely living through hell. I honestly have been really struggling and I don't know what to do with my life besides either talking my dad or Shelly. I dont wake up until 6pm and I don't even get out of bed that often. I've just been feeling super ill recently and super depressed these past couple months and without her I'm gonna feel so much worse. I just don't know what to do with myself. )
I really do love this friend with all my heart and they're the best friend i've ever had. what do i even do i feel so hopeless. pls dont tell me to commit suicide im genuinely sorry