What’s wrong with me?
First time posting so not sure if I’m doing this right but here we go..
I’m pretty much losing it and idk what to do to fix myself. I feel like a nervous wreck pretty much all the time even though I’m a second semester senior. I don’t even have senioritis even though I’ve been trying to sort of slack off because I can’t bear to see my grades drop. Ironic considering how I’m considered mediocre at my school and I also got waitlisted/rejected from pretty much every college I wanted to go to. I can’t help comparing myself to every person I see, whether it be stats, appearance, etc. and yes, I know this is wrong but I genuinely cannot help it. I got a C on my chemistry test today and I felt the world collapse, especially since it was an “easy” test that everyone else did great on. I can’t help collapsing in on myself everytime something minor happens. I just think about what I did wrong and how I’m a horrible person. I’ve been trying to raise my emotional intelligence over the last few years (and it has no doubt gotten a lot better) but I feel so lacking when I realize (in hindsight) that I screwed up basic social interactions and I’ve disappointed people around me. I feel like it’s consuming me to the point where I’m terrified of everything because I can just imagine myself screwing everything up. When I was driving earlier today, after hanging out with my friends (where I messed up a social interaction), I couldn’t stop thinking about it to the point where I missed a lot of exits/turns I was supposed to take. I just don’t know how to silence the voices in my head maybe I’m going insane idk
Sorry if this was a lot and thanks if you read the whole thing 🫶. I sorta just dumped everything I’ve been feeling for a while.