“Guilt” but a different kind
Trigger warning for manner of death and nsfw just incase because I’m not sure what constitutes as nsfw here. Throwaway for privacy.
Someone I loved immensely did something unimaginably horrific (resulting in the death of somebody else) then immediately took their own life after.
Despite what they did.. it feels like my chest is caving in nonstop. I can’t breathe when I think about it and it’s all I can think about most days. Going outside took so long I was just scared to walk into a world where they don’t exist.
In addition to the grief itself, there’s this gnawing guilt I feel for grieving someone that could do something so awful. I feel guilty for grieving.
What is this? I read all these types of grief but I don’t know what kind of grief this is. I don’t know how to cope with this.