u/-metronome-

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https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/dwVutdIx62

Earlier I was confused whether people were over hyping rumors and if I should leave just on the basis of what someone else says that they saw but today I just got confirmation.

I got to know from the person who first informed me of the fact that possibly my bf was cheating with another girl that earlier she had seen the texts between those two with her own eyes in which my bf was hitting on this woman who initially said that but the age gap is too much and it isn't right but then eventually she went along with it cause she enjoyed the attention and thrill she got by getting with a guy who's already in a relationship and as she was single she had nothing to lose either.

So I called up my bf and bluffed that I had personally read the texts between you and her from around the time you started talking to her and told him I read the part where you asked her out and she said but you're so much younger and stuff to make it seem like i actually read the texts. I asked him do you have anything to say at all? He said no. I went on for a bit that you wasted two years of my life because it was all a joke to you just because you're spineless and attention starved and the first opportunity you got to cheat you did. Told him I gave you a million opportunities to admit to things but you never did and that you both might've been happy with the crumbs of attention you gave each other but I'm not a beggar and I'm done. Asked him one last time if he has anything to say apart from sorry which i don't even expect from you. He just said no. Then I told him 'I'm done' and hung up. Texted him that he can now beg the other woman to unblock him because as far as I know she blocked him from everywhere as well and then I proceeded to block him myself.

I'm so relieved to be done and to know that my gut was right. I felt something was wrong back in August itself when all of this started and I should've trusted myself and saved myself some energy.

At least something I've learnt from all this is to hold my boundaries DOWN and be firm with them and to never give more of myself than I can in relationships. I need to work on bettering my boundaries and actually enforcing them and you can bet I'll be single for a long time now till I work on myself and process this hurt that I carry.

This is more of a vent because I don't have a lot of friends I can talk with so thank you if you read through it. Also any advice on how to stay busy is appreciated. I've picked up a book to read after a long time and I journal but the habit of updating my ex of every little happening in my life is a bit tricky to get rid of so any help regarding how to get rid of that thought popping up again and again would be helpful

I'm struggling a lot mentally and at this point it has started to feel like even my friends are growing tired of me.

Me and my bf had been dating 2 years and everything was fairytale perfect. We had chemistry, intimacy, plans for the future, amazing conversations and spent time with each other daily. He cared enough to notice the smallest details about me and surprised me with them too like say I mention a hobby I want to try, he got me supplies, things like that

But I had a problem with a coworker/ friend he made who was 6 years older than him. She is a really touchy and promiscuous person in general not that I care what she does with her life. One day he dropped me off and doesn't get back to his hostel so his roommates start to wonder where he could be cause his phone had died by then. He comes back after about an hour of looking and he calls me and says he went to go meet his other friend who was nearby and then they met another friend or two and that he didn't look at the time. Later on i found out from someone that he was with that woman I talked about and apparently her friend was also there and all of these 4-5 people were just hanging out. I had a huge fight about it as the only thing that bothered me was that he could've told me himself that she was also there but the fact that he purposefully hid that makes me feel hurt. He said he didn't tell me at first because he knew I'd be hurt by that and now he understands and that won't happen again.

Time goes by and now about 7-8 months later I get to hear from a friend's friend that they had seen my bf coming out of that girl's hostel room. I became convinced he was cheating on me. I checked his phone thoroughly found nothing but still I broke up in a fury because when I talked to him about it he just kept on repeating he hasn't been to her room and was persistent to know who told me this in the first place. I didn't tell him where I found out, blocked him and deleted everything I had and thought it's difficult but I can't be with someone who's a cheater especially when they don't have the backbone to admit to their mistake.

A few days have passed and he has confessed that he did go to her room twice. Once when he was in the lift with her friend so he went with her into her room while talking and then left a few minutes later from the lobby itself and the other a long time back to get something she had borrowed. He told me he's looking for a therapist because he has a problem with expressing feelings and opening up in general which is true regardless of this situation

I'm too in my head to think straight. The person who told me that they've seen him leave his room is also someone I can trust they're not really related to me and I don't think we've ever even talked and it's not like they'd lie to me for their own benefit because there is none.

I need help to figure out if I should give it another chance or not because I don't want it to feel like I'm ending things over a huge misunderstanding this was someone i thought I'd grow old with I feel destroyed. I don't understand why he won't admit to it.

TLDR - bf knew I didn't like his coworker but still omitted times when he had seen her and there's been two instances at least of this happening that I know of through other people. Recently got to know he was seen leaving her room through another person. Bf says he didn't cheat and doesn't even like her that way. Checked his phone before letting him know the fact that he had been to her room but found nothing. Should I end things over this cause he just won't admit he cheated no matter how much i push about it or do i believe his explanations and let it go as a misunderstanding and continue building a space where we can try to go back to how things were