How to handle BF(24M) & his family going on my(23F) dream trip without me?
For background, my (23F) live-in boyfriend (24M) and I have been together for going on four years. We met in really different times in our lives and have endured a lot together to get where we are now. But we're also young and money isn't exactly free flowing so our trips are usually day trips to the next big city where his parents are from, and our hotels are their houses. Whenever we do anything bigger, his parents who are separated and individually well off, always chip in on his behalf to make things easier, which we've always appreciated. I myself am from a well-off background but my grandparents are the ones wealthy, not my own parents, and I dont often ask them for things as they have helped financially tremendously for other non-fun things and Im about to ask them to help fund my last semester of college, so I don't want to add frivolous things on top of that cost.
Every year for I guess as long as his parents have been separated, his mom takes him and his brother (19M) on a trip. The locations have varied, and for the previous one in 2024 I was invited. (2025 one didnt happen because his brother was recovering from a soccer injury). So when a few months ago my bf told me his mom was planning their trip again as his brother had recovered, I was eager to know what the plan was, as he had also tossed around the word "Cruise". I was not necessarily expecting an invite but also not, not expecting one.
My bf and I have been nearly inseparable since we met, he has made it clear to his family he intends to marry me, and my aunt, a jeweler, is currently making my ring, and to boot his mom and I get along quite well. We're not besties but I've never worried about that as I intend for that to change over time.
Cruises are also touchy subjects for the both of us, as both of us went on a cruise in the past that werent really all that great, his was with his dad who he has a complicated relationship with and it was when he was a teenager and he couldnt really do anything on. Mine was right after we had met and it sucked for similar reasons.
So when he tells me a few months before when its all settled that not only is it a Mediterranean Cruise, but they're staying in Athens, Greece for a few days before departure to explore, a trip of a total of 11 1/2 days, and i was not invited, I shut down.
I've been a history buff since I was a small child. Im a history minor in my degree im nearly finished in, and I've taken every mythology class imaginable. I have 300+ hours in AC Odyssey mostly for exploration and map completion. Greek History is one of my loves. He knows this, and shares in this adoration. Im not a person good at wrangling my facial expressions so he knew immediately I was upset. I tried to rationalize my grief and happiness for his experience but I struggled. He consoled me and said of course it was nothing personal, he wasn't really sure why his mom had chosen something so grand, but that he'd promise to take us on our own trip of the same locations if I wanted. Since then I've tried to ignore it and help him be exited. But the truth is, I know that redeem trip won't likely be for years, he's trying to get a better paying job, Im trying to graduate and am terrified of the job market I am soon to enter, we have 2 cats and not many close people to watch them, I know its not something that'll happen anytime soon.
That was a few weeks ago and 2 days ago, he left. Leaving me on the beginning of my summer break (my last summer before I graduate), in our apartment with our 2 cats, who also miss him dearly. He landed this morning and has sent me a few photos from his 5 star luxury hotel rooftop bar and I am really struggling. I want to be excited, I want to gush and prompt him on his adventures, but I am so gutted I am not with him. He has expressed apologies and longing for me to be there with him, I know he feels bad and its complicating his own feelings on his trip, which I don't want, but I really dont know what to do.
TLDR: how to handle grief and jealousy for bf going on dream long vacation without me
[Edit: I feel like i need to clarify that im asking for genuine coping mechanisms. Im not angry with him, im not trying to guilt trip him im trying to achieve the opposite, so please don't be cruel or assume things about our relationship. Im trying to get genuine tips and suggestions on how I can be the best scenario. This is my first long term relationship and I don't have easy access to my own solo trips. Im not familiar with navigation on this and I was trying to seek help from real people, but people really arent being kind.]
[Edit 2: please don't post weird things about my bfs mother, she is a kind woman who i truly believe meant nothing by it. Also please be respectful and not degrading or invalidating. Sucks I gotta make this edit. All I wanted was genuine advice about managing jealousy and sadness for something out of my control as I am unfortunately not that great at it]