Im worried it might break my grandparents if I say what’s going on in my family
In this post I talk about a rape, I won’t get in the whole thing again, it’s on my profil if you need to see. There’s gonna be mistakes since it’s not my first language so sorry. Also I’m trying to put it in chronological order so it might look messy cause each event deserve its on post. It’s gonna be very long so sorry
Almost 6 years ago or something I had a best friend, 10 years strong and everything, knew all about me, was 14 at the time and started dating a 18years old, I’m aware of the grooming aspect of it now but at the time I felt truly special. To get straight to the punch she slept with him more then once, they didn’t tell and I learned trough someone in the friend group, I obviously cut ties with all of em and went on with my life.
4 years ago, my current bestie and I were at a party with my brother, it was our seconde or first time trying wax pen so we were GONER, my brother proceeded to sexually assault her and 2 other girls at that party, I even saw him slip a hand in the panties of one of the girl, he was an adult. Next day they told me and I crashed out, I knew what I saw and I believed them fully (anyways brother had been weird sexually with me before) we told my mother, she confronted him and he literally confessed. But after turn around on his confession and my father sided with him, it got literally dangerous, said (the father) he would kill me with a baseball bat so I obviously cut ties with them too.
About 3 years ago, my younger sister got close with my now best friend, at the same time she started dating a 22 years old. Obviously no one told me cause I would’ve crashed out. One night they had a party in the studio apartment he was living in and she got rape while everyone else was sleeping. I’m deeply sad that she had to go thought that as I know how horrible it is, a year after (at this point I knew she had dated that mf cause my bestie told me out of worries for my lil sis) me and my bestie where smoking weed while my lil sister and my twin were doing dmt and molly, they locked themselves in a room and we tought nothing of it, next morning we wake up (bestie and I) and learn that she as to go home, mind you we were all supposed to do something together that day. So she goes home. They take me to a river to basically dump this on me “ur bestie was there when the lil sister got rape so it’s her fault she didn’t do nothing you have to cut ties with her” I was absolutely devastated, at that time I was just raped by my bf, and the only person that could help trough that was my bestie. But my family was more important, so I did stop talking to her. It was one the hardest thing I went through, losing my soul sister, all those memories together. But my lil sister said she got ptsd from hearing about her or seeing her. So I obliged. But if we go back to my brother, I SAW HIM DO IT AND DID NOTHING am I the one responsible for what they went through??? NOOOO HES the sole reason it happens, just like what my sis went through.
In that period of time I got cheated on by my rapist bf and after a couple of weeks of trying to pardon him, I moved out to my mother’s house and then broke up with him. I was deeply and truly alone, I’ve started hanging out with my lil sister more and got to meet her friend, some the same age has me some a years or two younger, they adored me so asked me to hang out more often even when my lil sister couldn’t, and I had no one at the time so decided to see em, they were nice and all but they started telling me things. That my bestie had filmed the rape, got paid to let it happen, knew it would and arranged it. All absolutely insane claims that I’ve never heard before from my lil sister. So I started to understand that she was lying for attention (all her friend are from homeless shelter or really abusive household so I believe she wanted to fit in more ?) so I contacted my best friend, to have her side of the story, we met up and I can’t even explain how painful it was, she was skinny, crying all the tears in her body and hugged me so tight. She showed me multiple text of her before the event telling my little sister to get away from him, that he was destroying her, pleading with her to reach out for help (all things that my lil sis said she never did) and I had the proof in front of me, she even showed me a text she sent her after it happen that was like, you seemed roughed up this morning I’m really worried about you etc etc, they called for an hour and talk about everything just not the rape, so my bestie didn’t know it happened. One of the claim my sister had was that as soon as it happens my bestie stopped reaching out to her out of guilt, but there was the total opposite in front of me. I felt like my world was crumbling, why would a young teen invent such horrible things about someone, how could I’ve had just cut contact with my bestie without hearing her out first ? So I listened to her more, I’ve learned that she couldn’t even go out of her house anymore by fear of getting beaten by people my lil sis was friend with. It shattered me, before that my bestie never really struggle with mental health even after what my brother did, but now she was paranoid, depressed and was literally about to end it all convince she was a monster since me, her best friend didn’t even try to understand her. ( I feel like meeting me was the worst thing she could have her done, my brother, then my lil sister, if we weren’t friend she would have never gone through that).
So after that discussion we started to see each-other again, I didn’t tell anyone cause I didn’t wanna create any trouble, one day I was hanging out with my lil sister, we were on my phone when I got a text message from my bestie, my sister started yelling at me and said she didn’t wanna see me ever again, I tried to chase after her so we could talk but she was yelling at me in the street, her friend heard and went to me has she stormed out. They then revealed to me all that my lil sister was saying about me, and no joke no one on earth had ever said such disgusting thing about me, never. Ive been raped by a cousin and since then was and still, am unable to put a tampon in because of trauma, but when I met my ex bf (ended up traumatizing me more) I was able to have sex with him so obviously wasn’t true about the cousin cause otherwise why would I be able to sleep with him years after. I’m not gonna justify myself it’s clear. I have multiple chronic illnesses and my health is just fucked up, she told all her friend it wasn’t real ??? Like I have diagnostic, I much rather not have illness like what??? And other insane stuff, her friend and I talked more and we realized she was saying to everyone individually that the others ( me or her friends) trauma wasn’t real and we were all inventing stuff (when shes the one that went around with the filming stuff, smh) so honestly I’ve stopped talking to her. So at that point, I’ve cut ties with my brother, father and little sister.
Me and my best friend were enjoying life away from all that drama when my twin asked if she wanted to meet her baby, same twin that convinced me at first to never see her again, so we all started hanging out again, my little sister knew my twin had started talking to my bestie again but the only one that was a monster for talking to her was me, make it make sense I dunno. One day I was at my mom house when I got a notification from Facebook, my twin connected her messages on her phone and didn’t disconnect it, so thinking it was for me I clicked on it and saw the most heartbreaking message imaginable. She was telling my lil sister that I would be cut off from the baby and her life. While we just were hanging out, I was so stunned and didn’t understand why, I think I’ve never cried so hard. But my twin told me it was just to keep my lil sister in her life and like a dumbass I believed her.
One day after long talk with my best friend about our night on lsd and the rape I went trough, she convinced me to report it to the police, but instead I asked him if he would owned up to it and he didn’t so I went to the police. My twin bf was the provider of the lsd tabs so I warned them that I was reporting my ex. Knowing her bf would probably be contacted. (Her bf and her were dating for 3months a the time and she was pregnant, he was her first bf ever, that alone was so alarming and made me so mad but it’s her life so) obviously she literally took my ex side and not only that she named him as the provider for the kid if they ever died (godfather I think). That was so fucking ridiculous that I decided to cut ties completely with her, blocked her on everything etc. Said I was all inventing it cause I was on lsd (but dmt and molly confession are absolutely real) or that years ago I stole a rock from my older sister and didn’t own up to it, when I was a teen, stealing a rock equal inventing rape allegations now. Older sister and I were good with that situation too so wtf.
So I went to the police, started therapy, cut all of those asshole from my life and I swear everything was starting to get on track, until my mother with whom I was living started questioning if my rape was real or not because of what my twin told her, I ended up crying and telling her how violent it was and how vivid all those memories where, but that didn’t change much, she started believing my lil sis side of the night she was rape and where my bestie supposedly was awake and did nothing. Everyday it was contant fight, screaming crying trying to defend myself and my best friend. One day we were in my room when my mom let my cat out (basically my child) and he never came back, it was night, raining and the start of winter where I’m from, we started searching for him, putting poster everywhere for days, my mother didn’t even help a single bit, wish made our relationship worst, she kicked me out and I ended up homeless, with my illness and everything, luckily for me a organism help me and had shelter for me. Honestly being homeless was one of the most peaceful time of my life. But I was demolished, I was barely talking to my mom, had no sister left and now my child was dead, probably in horrible circumstances too and I couldn’t stop blaming myself. But my best friend was still there, even after ALLL THAT SHIT she was still there ( with one of my other bestie without them I’d be gone I love em so much). I started to feel like I wasn’t drowning as much.
One day I went to a party with good friends and saw an old friend from primary school that told me my brother had sexually assaulted, wish was the reason she never came back to my house. I was demolished, another person that my family ruined.
While I was homeless I saw my ex best friend ( the one that slept with my old bf not the one that raped me) and I dunno why for reaaaaal but we become friends again, she told me my lil sister reached out to her to say the most horrid things about me, similar to what she said to her friend, and I felt like it was honest of her to tell me so I introduced her in my life again, big mistake she ruined our summer would stalk us, tried to pitch all of us against eachother (my friends) would show up to my now apartment unannounced, always talking about the horrible thing we went through with my abusive family, basically not helping my recovery, so we told her we couldn’t have her in our life anymore, she said horrible things about me, that I would die alone bla-bla-bla, but of couuuurse she couldn’t stop there, she texted my lil sister and told her what we shared with her. MY LIL SISTER THEN DARED TO TEXT MY BEST FRIEND, asking her how she knew those thing about her life, like how she caught an std with her new 25years old bf, sending memes picture and calling her twinsies and all that TikTok largo. We were stunned after ruining both our life, REFUSING to talk to my best friend and even making it impossible to go to certain places if she was there, now she wanted to talk. My bestie obviously blocked her.
In between all that, me and my bestie would hangout with my grandparent almost twice every month (not from the same city) they are the most beautiful and amazing human on earth, but we never told them why we only saw them together, and why we had to celebrate Christmas and all those event separately then the others. And I know they’re not stupid they obviously understand something going on but they don’t know what. When my brother did what he did, they never needed to know exactly what happened to cut him out of their life’s, but now that all my siblings are against me, they’re spinning a new narrative around even tho at first they also didn’t talk to my brother. But when my niece was born, my twin decided to have my brother as the uncle and have my father back in the picture. ( ah yes raising my kid with a sexual harasser and a almost cult leader like grandpa) so my grandparent started hearing about him again, and since they never knew the reason why we stopped talking to him they probably assume it was because he stayed in contact with my father (wish they deeply hate, they don’t even want me saying his name). Couple of week ago i opened my mom phone ( I know I started seeing her again I don’t think it’s a good choice for real) and saw that my brother was about to see my grandparents. I literally froze in place, how was that possible, why was my mother the one that got the confession still talking to him and even wanted him around my grandparents. I left my mom house and went directly to my best friend to tell her (my grandparents are basically our grandparents). She told me we should tell them the story of what we went through, but my grandma had a twin sister when she was younger and they cut ties, since then she always reminded us that relationships between sister is the most important and valuable thing, and here I am without contact with all of em. I know it would break her. She sick and I think the shock could make it so much worse. But now that my lil sister got contacted by that dumbass friend, and that my brother is back in the picture I’m scared they’re gonna have the version of them before ours, I’m scared they’re gonna believe them and cut me completely out of their lives. And without them I don’t know what I’d do, but I also don’t wanna be responsible for the sadness it’s gonna give them to learn the truth. At Easter me and my mother got into a fight about traditional moms ( at my grandparents) how insane I think it is to have all those women fighting for our right for HUNDREDS of years and to now see women falling back into those abusive, dream shattering life. Obviously it was about my twin without directly saying her name, I started crying saying how sad it is to see girl with dream meeting a dude and immediately giving up on everything to please them ( exactly what my sis did, pregnant at 18, with a dude she knew for 3months and giving up all her values) how scary to think that almost all murder are committed by the husband etc. I went downstairs to cry and my grand father followed me, he said he was in accord with what I was saying, that he believed the same. My bestie told me after that my grandma was nodding while I was speaking about it. So I think I might have a chance for them to understand what we went through.
To end this literal book, in a week it’s my birthday, that i obviously share with my twin, before that I always had excuse as to why we weren’t together, but now I won’t have any it’s our anniversary for god sake, so I feel like I’ll HAVE to tell them, but I’m so so scared as to what the consequences will be and I’m wondering if I should really say anything or just stfu about it and hope they do the same (sibling) but at the same time I absolutely can’t stand that they are in contract with my \*\*\*\*\* brother. Especially now that I know more. I’m so lost, so angry, I wanna tell my story to the whole world but at the same time I don’t want them to see that their family is so broken, after all, that’s the family they built throughout all their life.
Thank you for reading this if you got this far, if you went thought something similar and have way to manage it id love to know. But even, only the fact that it got read takes a burden of my shoulder.
TL;DR