u/-RainbowUnicornPoop

Let me explain lol.

I know this sounds ridiculously juvenile, but when I’m alone at night and have to get out of bed to go pee, I always have this ridiculous urge to run back to bed as fast as I can so I can hurry up and get under the blankets… As if the blankets would protect me from an evil spirit or an ax murderer. And I will not, under any circumstance, allow my feet to hang off the edge of the bed. Lol. It’s so fucking stupid but I can’t help it.

I don’t do this if someone is with me. Hell, I don’t even do it if there is background noise. Like if the TV is going or if I have music playing. But there’s something about being home alone in a dark, silent house that just freaks me the fuck out.

The truly insane part is that I always immediately feel safe once I’m under the blankets. Lol. The fuck?

Me and my girlfriend are both girls. I feel like since we’re both girls, us seeing each other naked is not an issue. I took a shower and decided to get dressed in the bedroom while she was in there. I was having a conversation with her while I was naked. When I got fully dressed, she asked me why didn’t I ask her to leave. I said “because I just felt like since we both have the same body parts, what am I hiding? I have breasts just like you.” She got offended and felt like I should have told her to leave. I felt like if she was uncomfortable she could’ve got up and left.

She even got offended that I don’t sleep with a shirt or a bra on. Just bare breasts lol. She doesn’t like seeing me naked. I didn’t know she had such an issue with it until yesterday. She even said she had an issue when I would come in to use the bathroom (peeing) when she’s brushing her teeth or doing her hair.

She said she felt uncomfortable because she’s not out the closet and she’s still struggling with liking women. She said she hates the fact that she’s ok with seeing a girl naked. We’ve been trying to work through her issues with hating being attracted to women.

I’m starting to feel ashamed of my body because of her. I’m comfortable with nudeness and she’s not. I now see my body as something nasty and something another woman shouldn’t see now that i’m dating her. Im starting to hate the fact that i’m gay and that she gets to see my body in a sexual and a non-sexual way (because I like girls so obviously she gets to see my body in both of those ways since we date). Her attitude and mindset is starting to affect me.

Am I wrong for not asking her to leave?

I, 33f, have always been described as “a lot.” Personally, I think that’s unfair. Just because I own six capes, refer to my Honda Civic as “The Stallion,” and once got temporarily banned from my small hometown for dancing naked on the roof of the elementary school in broad daylight until the police had me surrounded does not make me dramatic.

Anyway, my sister “Claire” got married last weekend. She asked me one thing.

“Please don’t make this about you.”

Which, honestly, felt passive aggressive and targeted.

For context, I recently got really into ancient symbolism after watching three YouTube shorts and skimming half a Wikipedia article about biblical prophecies at 2 AM. During this spiritual awakening, I became convinced our bloodline is tied to a secret underground civilization beneath a Mattress Firm in Ohio. I know it sounds crazy, but this business has ties to the underworld. I’ve tried explaining this to my family multiple times but they always “change the subject” or rudely brush me off.

So at the wedding, I noticed several signs. A bird flew into a window. The DJ played “Poker Face” thrice. A baby stared at me for a very, very long time, which honestly was kind of unsettling.

Coincidence? I think not. I realized the universe was trying to speak through me. Right there during the vows.

Now before anyone judges me, understand that energy was building inside my body like a taboo orgasm. I physically could not remain silent.

So I stood up in the middle of the ceremony, ripped open my button up shirt to reveal a hand painted chest mural of what I call “The Cosmic Boobarian”and yelled, in a voice that was not my own but more like a demons:

“THE TUNNELS OF HELL HAVE OPENED!!!”

People started screaming immediately. Which I thought meant they understood the gravity of the warning. My grandma fainted. The flower girl burst into tears. My sister’s new father in law shouted, “WHY ARE YOUR NIPPLES GOLD?”

Long story short, things escalated. Apparently when I grabbed the ceremonial candle and started drawing symbols on the dance floor with melted wax while chanting in tongues,” people interpreted that negatively.

Security tried escorting me out, but I slipped on a decorative cheese cube and crashed directly into the wedding cake. Not just a little bump either. I fully disappeared into it like a hideaway stripper. One second there was a five tier masterpiece, the next there was just my foot sticking out of buttercream while someone screamed, “OH MY GOD ShE’S STILL TALKING.”

And yes… I was still talking.

I kept yelling warnings from inside the cake because by then I had achieved what I can only describe as complete spiritual clarity.

At one point I emerged covered head to toe in frosting and locked eyes with the groom’s very sexy military uncle. Without thinking, I whispered with tears in my eyes

“You were never supposed to see me this way, daddy.”

He walked over to help me up, but I had the overwhelming urge to touch him. So I slapped his penis and told him to “Stay gold, Ponyboy.”

He threw a shrimp cocktail at me. Then his angry wife came and dragged him away.

Now my entire family is furious. My sister says I “traumatized 200 people” and “turned the happiest day of her life into a demonic carnival. My mom keeps crying every time she sees whipped icing. My cousin Tyler says I owe him $4,700 because he hired a live harpist who fled the venue mid song and drove home barefoot.

The worst part is that literally nobody is acknowledging the actual issue, which is that the tunnels are probably still open.

So… AITA?

The title sounds ridiculous but I will explain what happened

Last Saturday I (34M) went to my friend Chris’s place for a few drinks with the guys. His wife and their 12-year-old son were home. We got pretty hammered beers turned into shots and around 1 a.m. I was trashed.

I went to use the downstairs bathroom and completely missed the toilet. Pee everywhere on the floor tiles, some on the baseboard. It was a mess. Drunk me just thought “whatever, it’ll dry” and went back to the couch without cleaning anything.

A bit later Chris’s wife steps in it, freaks out, calls him over. They smell it, realize it’s piss, and start wondering who did it. The son had used the bathroom earlier to brush his teeth.

I’m sitting there hungover already, panicking. Instead of owning up, when Chris asks if I saw anything, I quietly pull him aside and mumble, “Dude, I think it was your kid. He came out of there right before this happened. Probably just missed or something.”

Chris believes me instantly. He and his wife pull the kid downstairs, lecture him hard about “being responsible” and “this is disgusting.” Kid denies it, gets upset, but they make him mop the whole floor and wipe everything down while they watch. He looked humiliated.

Next day I sneak out early. Chris texts me later saying thanks for the tip, and that they handled it with the kid. Apparently the son got grounded and lost his PlayStation console for a week because he “wouldn’t admit it.”

I feel awful now. The kid didn’t do it I did. I was too embarrassed and drunk to confess, so I let a teenager take the blame and get punished. Every time I think about coming clean I chicken out because it’ll blow up the friendship.

Hey y’all. Netflix has been recommending me the same old shows and movies and I’ve already seen most of them. The ones I haven’t watched don’t really strike my fancy. I’ve tried using the beta search option to search for vibes but most of the shows recommended to me don’t have audio description and I’m completely blind. I’m trying to get some recommendations for something dark and twisted. A good horror or psychological thriller preferably. but I also like gritty and Action packed, especially southern small town crime.

#Shows I’ve liked in the past:

The OA

The iLand

The first season of The Sinner

Something Very Bad is Going to Happen, although the ending of this one really pissed me off

The End of the Fucking World

Breaking Bad and all it’s spinoffs

Ozark

Pieces of Her

In the Dark

#Movies I’ve liked in the past:

Prisoners

Midnight in the Switch Grass

See For Me

These are the ones I can think of off the top of my head that I’ve watched on Netflix. Any recommendations? Bonus points if it’s something with lots of twists and turns.

Edit: Big thanks to everyone who suggested Brand New Cherry Flavor. Been binging it for the last couple hours. This shit is wild lol.