Start your transition now, even if it's messy
I keep seeing posts from people saying some version of "I want to transition, but I can't because of X, Y, Z." I get it. Transition is hard. It is scary. It is expensive. Sometimes it really does feel impossible.
But a lot of the time, what people are describing is not impossibility. It is fear, being overwhelmed, and the fact that transition asks a lot from you. That is real. I am not minimizing it. However, you cannot let fear get the final say over your life.
If you want to transition, you need to be brave and start your journey NOW.
I transitioned in high school in the mid 2000s. My family was not supportive. My step dad kicked me out over it and I was homeless at 16. I had to figure out work, housing, and survival while transitioning in a time when there were way fewer resources than there are now. It was hard. It was still worth it, because I got to live as myself.
Transition is often hard, but not being yourself is harder.
You do not need to have every detail solved before you begin. Usually you begin, then solve the next problem, then the next one after that. That is how a lot of real transitions happen. Even the easiest transitions encounter hardship. You just have to keep moving forward instead of waiting for the perfect moment that will never come.
- If you're not sure you're trans: stop trying to solve it only in your own head. Get into therapy if you can, journal seriously, talk to other trans people, start sorting it out in a real way. Not five more years of doomscrolling. Actual movement.
- If you know you're trans: start taking real steps now. Research HRT. Find a therapist. Come out to one safe person. Change your clothes. Practice your voice. Pick a name. Save money. Do something that moves your life forward instead of just daydreaming about a different future.
- If your family is unsupportive: start building your exit plan. If you're old enough, work toward getting out. If you're not, start preparing now so you can leave when you can. You do not owe your entire life to people who only love a version of you that is not real. I've cut out the majority of my family because they didn't support my transition, and I have no regrets about it. You can still have a good life without them. You just have to be willing to let go of the idea that you need them.
- If money is the issue: then you need a plan, not surrender. Get a job. Cut costs where you can. Look for clinics, mutual aid, local groups, whatever resources exist near you. There are more resources now than there used to be. Being broke is a problem to work around, not a reason to stop or delay your transition.
- If you think you're too old: you're not. Seriously, you're not. The majority of people start later and still build a life they actually want.
- If you think you'll never pass: maybe you won't for a while. Maybe not in the way you imagine. That does not mean your life is over. I did not pass for a long time either, but being myself around people who accepted me was still infinitely better than pretending to be someone else. You can still build a good life by simply being yourself.
I have the privilege of passing now and have been living stealth for a long time, and I'm grateful for that. But my life did not begin the day I started passing. My life began the day I decided to stop living as someone else and start living as myself. That was the day I started my transition, even though it was messy, hard, and scary. It was still the best decision I ever made, and it is the one I would make again if I had to do it all over.
You are not alone. There are people out there who will support you, love you, and make room for the real you. You may have to go find them, but they do exist.
Yes, some people have genuinely impossible situations right now, but the vast majority of people who say they can't transition are actually just scared, overwhelmed, or stuck in the idea that they need to have everything figured out before they can start. That is not how it works. You start, then figure out the next step, then the next one after that.
Pick one thing today that moves you closer to yourself and do it. Not your whole transition. Just one thing. Then do the next thing after that. That is how people actually get there.
Over the course of my transition I have drifted away from the trans community. Early on I was very involved in support groups, etc, but as time went on and I achieved transition milestones, I drifted away because it no longer was the main focus of my life. With all the awful things that are happening to us right now across the world I'm trying to get involved again. I'm sorry that I drifted away. I'm here now, hopefully I can be helpful to some of you.
If you need help brainstorming next steps, I'm here to bounce ideas off of. I have been through a lot of different situations, have lived more of my life as myself than not, and I might be able to help you figure out how to get started with the life you want.