u/-LiliaRose

Hi - I (f) started dating a man (we Are both around end of 20s/early 30s) around two months ago. Everything was amazing, I really like him and the way we met was rather romantic and Special to me. At First everything was like it was supposed to be. His Friends liked me too. And he seemed very happy and proud with me. I knew early on that he was diagnosed with bpd but did not think too much of it as it sounded like a misdiagnosis or generally a Hard Phase in his life with alot of Trauma. I myself am diagnosed with ptsd.

However, then a old friend (male) he didn’t See in years came to visit for a weekend. There was a day where they invited me to a harmless activity that turned out dangerous and the friend - behind my back - was talking to him and asking him to leave me saying I was bad and suddenly he started to really Villanize me - wanted me to apologize all the time and basically treated me like dirt, zero care, i almost didn’t get back my Handbag with my keys out of his appartment. They singled me out too. However he still wanted to stay with me and have a talk about it. The friend is moving here in our City in about a month.
The other friends who live here still like me.

ever since this friend he had a short fuse with me - especially over text and voicemessages, in Person he seems to calm down and feel happy with me, we rarley fight and I do alot to Show that I care. But somehow every thing I say via text that is not lovey dovey turns into something where he says I’m a Bad Person im dumb im gaslighting him I’m this and that and I should Listen to myself. However he doesnt want to end it with me.

I also noticed that he seems to view other people from his past often really negative.
He is Overall very functional in his life which is why I underestimated his Borderline - but there is instability like changing Jobs and places to live in.

It’s starting to drain me and I Wonder if he just doesnt like me enough - i feel like it’s Not normal to be Angry This easily at me all the time even tho in Person he seems happy with me and seems to Not Even get This Angry - except for when the friend was here.

I usually Never really fight with people and I have issues with This Hard judgmental black and white thinking and judging - and I’m also not used to fighting and Anger all the time.

I really do like him and I wish I could make it somehow better but sometimes he seems to completley paint me like the Most awful Person on This Planet and like I’m Not normal - and I don’t know what to do.
He says many contradicting things Like wanting harmony and wanting a Partner with a Backbone and a own Perspective - on and off he Sees me as that but - when I Voice my point of view in a respectful manner, Even when it’s something like : I feel a bit insecure about xyz - it turns into him basically insulting me and being super Angry.

He is not on medication and he also doesnt think he really fulfills Borderline diagnosis despite his diagnosis - and I didn’t at First either, but now I feel like there may be something to it.
I was misdiagnosed with a few disorders in my Teen years, so I really believed him in it being a possible misdiagnosis.

What can I do ? Is this „normal“ for Borderline even This early on ? How can i prevent this ? I feel Like the negative things he thinks im being and doing are stacking up, he doesnt seem to „get over it“ but instead makes things more extreme in his head. Even going as far as saying I alone am responsible for this (whatever he is Angry about - he Rarley ever Sees that it takes two to Tango)

Please help me, I really care about him and I want This to be healthy, I don’t understand the Anger