Before I start I’d like to say that I am also neurodivergent, and struggle heavily with social cues. I understand the struggles of living in a society built in a way that clashes with who you are fundamentally.
I’ve just been seeing this topic thrown around and it bugs me how nobody’s discussed this POV before ⬇️
I keep seeing that one video, I’m sure you have too, of that one girl w black hair complaining about how, bc of her “autism accent”, ppl always interpret what she says incorrectly. The entire discussion around this subject which I’ve heard for years has always been framed as “Neurotypicals communicate stupid, they need to adjust the way they speak or just accept that we don’t mean ____ when we ___”
I think it’s sad that it’s a symptom of a disability, and folks w autism can’t help it, but it’s not the fault of neurotypicals that the tone is unsettling and upsetting.
Humans/our society evolved to understand certain things, you can’t just expect everyone to ignore that bc YOU think it’s stupid. You think it’s stupid bc you don’t, can’t, or wont understand it. It’s the same sort of principle with non passing trans folks being upset when ppl accidentally misgenders them.
Humans/our society has set ways to communicate and if you don’t follow the rules, what you do comes across in a way you don’t want it too.
Yeah it sucks, but you can’t expect to follow the steps of a math problem incorrectly, and still get the right answer, just because you “don’t know the steps”. You either get the right answer on the test or you don’t.
I understand, trust me I do, how hard it is that every single part of who we are is just wrong to neurotypicals and the greater society, and it’s exhausting having to bend backwards to fit in, to try so hard to do something that comes naturally to 90% of the world.
I’m not saying don’t find ppl who you cant relax around and explain that “When I ___ I mean ___, not ___. If I mean ___ I will tell you, I have autism and tone is hard for me.”
When the base human has evolved to hear Tone A as “aggressive/angry”, they are going to hear aggressive and angry. When the base human has evolved to hear Tone B as “approachable/friendly”, they’re going to hear approachable and friendly. It doesn’t matter how well or poorly you understand those rules, that is how base humans function, and we do have to accept that we don’t function the way a (forgive me) “normal” human should. Neurotypicals ARE how humans should function, neurodivergents, as much as it hurts to say, DO have something “wrong” that deviates us from how standard humans are supposed to function.
And to anyone with autism that doesn’t know: when you DO find a friend and explain to them the whole “I have autism and when I ___ I really mean ___” etc etc, we still hear the incorrect tone and get confused/upset, it’s just that every time you speak, we have to remind ourselves, “she doesn’t mean it that way, she has tonal delivery issues, she’s not angry, she doesn’t hate me. If she did I’m sure she’d tell me.”
I’m sure this reads as incredibly ableist or something, but that’s just my 2 cents, coming from a neurodivergent who’s always had issues with social cues and fitting in.