u/-Chrysoberl-

To start off I am a M [29] A few days ago I let someone who I’ve been casually dating know that while they are now more interested towards monogamy that I am not. Being a BDSM/ Swinger and a bit of a slut in general, my goal was to find someone who was along the same lines essentially into ethical non monogamy/open relationship where I’m only really interested in being in love with one person, but also loves fooling around with others together or separately within BDSM/Swinging. I’m also interested in someone who wants kids when we are ready to settle down since that will take a lot out of our personal life’s when we begin being parents.

I came to this realization that I was into this kind of relationship style around 18 and refined what I was looking for over the last 11 years. Due to my life tho I haven’t really dated much except the last year of my life because of work, being out of shape, learning to communicate better, autism, etc.

My goal was that by the age of 35 that I would have found someone by then that fits what I’m looking for and that would be when I want to start having kids. So do you think what I’m looking for is statistically unlikely for me to find ?

Im asking because my casual dating partner wants monogamy. I would consider monogamy, I just fear that my missing of being a bdsm/swinger/slut outside the relationship would cause me to lose interest and break up with them eventually. On the other hand If I don’t at least try then I potentially miss someone who check marks a lot of boxes in what I’m looking for in someone.

So I thought I’d ask the advice of people within kink and Poly for their advice based on their personal experiences. Should I give this monogamous relationship a shot and if I feel I can’t do it break it off? Or should I just keep looking for what I wanted to find in the first place?

Is what I’m looking for unrealistic and should I consider a monogamous relationship with this person who likes me and I like them?